End of the World. Beginning of a new one. The Life of Amberwolf.

Guitar pics hit a note with me. Hope you can find another one soon.

Gotta head out soon for house ot meet friends to build sheds and mvoe stuff, so no time for descriptions yet but more pics from last batch. Fell asleep last night after hitting reply button to post this but never even typed anything. I do wish there was a way to upload more than one image at a time.

Daily update: Yesterday while I was away from Bill's house a small shoebox-sized package arrived via UPS but haven't had time to open it and see what it is or who it's from. Maybe tonight when I get home. Thank you, whoever sent it.

At the house I pulled out some more stuff from the front room that seems saveable, and also the two smaller chairs that Nana and Hachi loved so much. I probably can clean those well enough to save, but the big bluish puffier chair they all shared at various times is probably toast. I found another toy, one that Bonnie had also liked, a big "wolf" that my mom had gotten me years ago after Lady the wolfdog died. It was under a bunch of stuff so it only smells vaguely like smoke. I might be able to save it by washing it. It means a lot to me for a bunch of reasons; I don't want to lose it. If I can't clean it I will at least keep it on the memorial.

I pulled out a bunch of tools and ebike stuff from the front room's east end, farthest from the fire. There are some melted thigns that were on top, just from the heated air (above chest ehight it damaged or destroyed everything that could be affected bby heat like plastics).

I think i twas the day before but i ran across the Fusin spokes sent as spares for the 1000W geared hub presently on Delta Tripper; they're smoky and charred bbut the tape holding them together didn't melt so they dind't get hot enough to damage them. I brogut them to Bills' with me in case I have to fix anny broken ones on that wheel. So far no, but better safe than sorry.

I also ran across the Vpower pack from Bluestreak...it was in the hall, two halves disconnected from each other and BMS, on top of a bunch of boxes of ebike and bike parts stuff, probably shoulder-high. It got so hot in that area that the duct tape peeled off and/or melted, some parts of cells charred, insluation on the cells pullled away and some cells look shorted to each other; the BMS PCBs are burned and curled away from each other with some parts fallen off the boards. I will upload those pics once I get them offf the phone in the next batch after this. But the pack is toast, and had to be tossed. With that heat I woulnd't reuse the cells even if they hadn't shorted. But I guess the good news is that even massively shorted together, the pack itself appears to have never burned internally and didn't cause anything else around it to do so. :|

Today I have several coworkers and Mark coming by to help with the sheds and moving stuff; ysetderday it was just Mark, who worked himself sick helping me rather than leave me to do it by myself.

Shit man, I shoulda figured out sooner something was wrong from your post on the dog attack thread.

You are a strong man, mate, your loss sux, I am sorry for it. thankyou for still being around n giving others a chance to support you, as well as showing what a man can do even after such a tragedy.

Thoughts are with you dude.

Joe

5-3 / 5-4-13 update and task list:
yesterday finished one shed with mark on previous day who worked himself to exhaustion and some coworkers (lori and her husband who i apologize for forgettingg your name, james w, deb, and a neighbor patty yesterday. was near sunset by then and srp still has not bothered to put the temporary power drop, and since adam also hasn't brougth a generator, i haven't got power for lights to keep working after dark, as the only power is from the neighbors to keep the fridges running, since we've been unable to move them yet (more on that later).

task list for this weekend:

need everyone's help to move shelves and dogfood and other stuff from small shed to that one. then move small shed out of the way, and build floor and second new shed in it's place, but facing same as new shed rather than same as old. then fill that shed and any space in previous shed with stuff already hauled out of house by repair crew.

all the stuff small enough to fit in boxes needs to be boxed up prior to moving into a shed, preferably using same-size boxes so they stack easily wherever possible. I have stacks of flatted boxes and tape to do this, and also need to pick up about ten copier paper vboxes from 59th ave & greenway from freecycle, which i've forgotten about every day this week so far until i twas too late to do it.

what i have to do myself is keep going thru stuff as it's brought out and what's already out there to decide what is keep and what is trash and what is recycle. And i might end up takingg unintentional naps cuz i am not getting enough sleep and am exhausted.

also need to find a cheap chest-type top-lid deep freezer to put my foodstuff in over at bill's, and maybe a small half-size fridge to go with it for keeping some of my regular food in. since moving my actual regular fridges to bill's is impractical and as a long term solution, having the deep freeze is a better goal anyway.

there may be other things that need doing tha tI have not thought of or did and forgot about.

I am planning on being at my house at or before 8am both sat and sun, cant guarantee i will bbe there by then but that is my goal. anyone local that's coming to help should call me or text me first to make sure i'm actually there before heading over if fpossible.

a group called the dark ones will hopefully have some people there, and the ufp local scifi club shoudl have a few people there, but there is also a meeting scheduled for today all the way across town so i dunno how many will make i tto help before or instead of the meeting.

i've been too busy catching up to myself, recovering a little bit thanks in large part to the company of bill, and doing stuff by myselff or with one or sometimes two other people out there that i have not had time or energy to coordinate getting more help; plus i really just don't know how to do it without calling eveyrone one at a time and fidning out schedules, writing it all down, then working out when people could overlap to have the most help possible at any one time, and then setup times to be there with them (cuz i alos have to do other things away from the house, like today i need to go to goodwill and other places to spend the rest of that red cross card, as it is only half used and will expire very soon).


anyway, i might have a chance to post more pics and updates tonight but probably be too wiped out like last night.

oh, and bigmoose's package showed up, and i opened both it and the small one that came the day before, but haven't had time to go thru them much yet--but i think i can use almost everythign that came in each one, if not now, in the coming months.

and bigmoose: thatt moose toy is the same brand as the christmas puppy i have been carrying around, right down to the little green electronics box inside. and oddly enough right before i headed out form the house i found that littel green box that id' taken out so hachi wouldn't hurt herself on it...i think they even play the same tune but have to get it back here to put batteries in to find out.

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.

- Anatole France

I'm sorry for your loss.....

5-4-13 midday update

Judy, Randall, Jessie and his son came by to help as long as they could, we got rest fo stuff almost completely out of little shed into new #1. old retail shevles are in there with all the remaining dogfood on it. some shelves near front left empty so i can put stuff on ti i need access to but not badly enough to take to bill's. So far those are empty but plan to fil lup half of thejm tonigth if i can get back there after doing other stuff.

Judy and Jessie and his son separated trash from stuff and put it in boxes, out of the piles off stuff brought out of the house, so some of that is now in the shed too. Gotta get some big strong people to move the lathe out of the hosue into the shed, space set aside for it wher eit can be used later, so it doesnt' ahve to be moved twice.

i totally spaced gettingg pictures of anything, was so hot and tired and hungry when we left around i guess 1pmish? I forgot to eat before i left this morning, and hadn't slept hardly at all, up at first tiny light outside again, couldn' tgo back to sleep. So I had to leave too. Unfortunately I forgot that someone else (Robb) had texted me around 1030am that they were coming by the site with some stuff, because their message implied it was gonna be pretty soon after they sent it, and it was almost 3 hours later when we all had to give up and leave. My memory for things is not that long right now.

I follwoed Jessie back to Bills' to get a minifridge he'd brought by inside and setup, so it'd be cold later for me to put stuff in if i can bring it from the house today. Then I sat down for food and I don't remember anything after that until the phone's chime woke me up at nearly 4pm with a text from Robb syaing they came bby but no on ewas there...reminding me I had forgotten to even let them knwo we were leaving the site. I had meant to be back there by now after a trip to goodwill, but i ahven't even got that done yet.

I also wanted to go by the Humane Society and my home store's adopton event, but I don't think I will be able to before I have to get other stuff done. So I guess no doggie hugs and play today--I'm feeling withdrawal cuz it has bveen several days without time to do that until too late to go by befor ethey close!


So, anyway, i'm typ;ing this up while i wake back up enough to safely be on the road. it is taking longer than usual.


Tomorrow I should have others coming gby in the morningg to help out more. not sure exactly who or when; someone was tellingg me some of them but I havve forgotten because i didn't write it down in the notebook I got specifically to keep me from losing info like this. I've been carrying it with me for a few days and have only one page with anything on it, cuz i keep forgetting I have it. Too much going on and not enoguh time to take it all in.

Bill's gone for a few days helping family, so I don't have him here to poke me and remind me of stuff, either.

So if someone has talked to me or helped me or anything else and I haven't mentioned it here, it's because I am still overwhelmed, and I apologize if I've forgotten anyone for any reason.

i have a bunch of pm's i need to reply to soon, sorry for not getting b ack to anyone that has sent anything--some i had time to read and some not, yet.

I guess its' time to go back out and get more stuff done, before i just up and doze off again.

amberwolf said:

...recovering a little bit thanks in large part to the company of bill, and doing stuff by myselff or with one or sometimes two other people out there...

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Amberwolf, the scope of your loss is just way beyond my ability to comprehend.

I think it is a good idea how you've eased up on responding to every personal post in your time of overwhelming hardship.

Since my retiring from the engineering world, you are still in my thoughts and I decided to stop in here to stay in touch and then learned the news.

I feel pretty weak in helping you my Aspie brother in need, though I feel a rather vicarious strength from you now.

I'm now back for a while cuz I guess I forgot to put the bike on the charger after I got back here. I was in the middle of my run to various stores and Goodwill all up here on Greenway, when it seemed like the trike was bogging down and I noticed suddenly that the voltage was pretty low under load, and I'd used 15Ah over around 30 miles (I forget exact numbers; I didn't have a pen to write them down and now that I am all the way up here in the loft I'm not going back down the stairs until I have to).

So it's charging up now so I would have enough juice to make it home and back to Bill's, but it won't be in time to do anything there--it's already getting darker. Still gotta meet up with someone that's bringing by some food/stuff, that I missed earlier due to my severe case of CRAFT disease. Probsbly that will happen tomorrow when I'm already at the hosue anyway.

Of course, I have a 10Ah pack sitting on the back porch all charged up but I forgot about it until I was typing this up, so I could've just put it on the trike and gone down there to do stuff, and still easily come back.... Too late now.


So...pics. I think I'll hold off on the rest of the destruction pics, unless people are interested in them. There are so many that it's hard to upload them, one at a time, without dozing off waiting. So instead I will post the goodstuff pics--things I did save, or stuff ES people have sent, or local people brought by.

This is an anonymous donation, left on my fencepost inside the much taller construction fence; they must've climbed up and dropped it over the barbed wire of the CF onto my regular one, probably after I left last night. Not sure if I'll actually wear it on my head cuz it's kinda hot, but I might figure out a way to put it on my helmet. Not sure if it's a coyote or a wolf, but we'll take it like it seems to be intended, as an Amberwolf.
View attachment 22

Another bag of clothes donated by others and brought over last night by my little sister, mostly tshirts, couple longsleeve, one a longjohns type shirt that'll be useful late this year when temps drop. (Pretty sure mine were all int eh bedroom, am still going thru the stuff brought out of the house; lots of it has been amalgamated by the cleanup crew into one box where there used to be several with specific stuff, and it's not all from the same room either. So I mostly don't have a clue about what stuff might be where, and it'll probably be a long time, possibly a year or two or three, before I find enough snippets of time to go thru all the boxes and repack them into other boxes in a more sensible order. )
View attachment 21


Then there's some old organizers, these were very helpful so now I have a bunch of little things that were taking up space on big shelves in them to make it possible to neaten up the loft room.


She also brought a few things herself day before yesterday, including this shirt which pretty much expresses how I feel right now:
View attachment 20

and this giant teddy bear which does help me sleep a little better; I can squeeze it since I don't have Hachi or Nana beside me anymore.



and this TARDIS USB hub, whcih is neat; I'm pretty sure I lost the other Doctor Who thing she'd gotten me for a birthday years past, one of the Sonic Screwdriver lights/pens from a later doctor. There's also a really bright USB keyboard light, which is handy, too. It's what is lighting up the TARDIS hub.


and some art pencils and things; I don't think I got a pic fo the rest of it.

I found this in the bedroom that didn't burn, just has smoke damage (lots more than I thought when i first saw it, even though the door was closed). It's a wood knot that my mom found and gave me, that looks like a wolfhead. Im SOOOOO glad it did not get destroyed; it is one of a VERY few "things" i might cry over if lost. next to it is one of the music CDs I had made (that ended up bankrupting me) back in 1996, and some memory cards that I found stuck to the bottom of a melted vitamin bottle in the burned bedroom--saved by it's plastic. Haven't had a chance to check them for data.



I also took the Nishiki pedal bike to Bill's (actually he took it in his truck since it would've been awkward to carry on the trailer with all the other stuff I was bringing back like the teddybear). All the fabric and the seat smell very strongly of smoke...maybe it will come out?



I thought I had posted about the new helmet but these pics are still in my not-yet-uploaded folder. :? Anyway, Rachel met me (Mark drove me up there since it speeded up progress on othe rthings) at HelmetCenter, and after some discussion about removable-chin-guard helmets, colors, etc., Rachel bought (with help of another coworker, Dan) this Speed&Strength helmet, whcih fits me perfectly and is the lightest and most comfortable, and probably safest, helmet I have ever had. I really like the snapdown sunvisor; it's got great contrast in normal daylight and sunset/dawn situations, but isn't too dark to see things thru in twilight conditions. I can also hear in it just about as well as the half-helmet, as it reduces wind noise despite covering my ears..


View attachment 11



Package from another ES member, seems to want it anonymous and private, so no pics of contents till they ok it.


Then there is this one from Bigmoose, whcih has quite a lot fo stuff in there.

\

Dunno if he planned it htis way, but these straps around the box are the same kind I use to strap down battery boxes on CrazyBiek2 and Delta Tripper; it's easy to reuse them evne without the clamping tool that tightens them down for bigh freight.


Most of it I can use immediately; some of it will take longer to gt to. Unfortunatley the cameras will take a long time to be useful, as neither appears to work quite right and require jiggering around with to get them to do what the switches say they should be doing. Probably easy fixes but i don't have time to take them apart right now.



the IBM laptop from Bigmoose also includes a dock and dvd and other stuff i forget right now


including a rolling pin that should be very useful once i have a kitchen again; mine was partly plastic and up high in the kitchen so it will proably be unusable, and my noodle spoon also was plastic and probably unusable. But both of those have been replaced thoughtfully.

also has some little scisors, and nailclippser that I hadn't even yet remembvered i'd need.



I am presently using Tannon's littleDell laptop but will need to port over all my data/settings to Bigmoose's IBM and see how well it suits my usage. In order to really use Tannon's, I had to use an external USB keyboard, which
i picked up for acouple bucks at goodwill today, and an external monitor i'd had for years but only goes to 1024x768,. and the trackball. i don't really like this keyboard either but it was the only usb on ethey had, and i cant' get the ps2/usb adapter Bill has to work with any PS2 keybaord I have tried on it.
'


the littel green soundbox from the christmas puppy toy I have been carrying as surrogate doggy to hug, it is just like the one inisde the little moose from Bigmoose:




i have dozed off a bunch of times typipng this so i don't rremember all fo what i was going to say, and somehow some of the pics are messed up which ones go where. can't sem to figure out why cuz they show up in the preview ok?





.

Lots of stuff, awesome.

I don't know what the best option is concerning sharing pictures. There are plenty of picture sharing websites, plenty that don't require an account. Lots of these websites, pretty much all that I think I have ever used, enabled uploading multiple selections of images or entire folders. You can easily select lots of images or files at once by holding shift or ctrl on your keyboard. The biggest concern when sharing pictures comes to mind is longevity of the image. Will it remain there in several years? It would seem that even this forum is not immune to this idea.

However, have you ever tried clicking the "+" (plus) sign between 'Browse...' and 'Add the file' buttons on the upload attachment tab? Seems that is a pretty easy way to select multiple files at once. Maybe I am missing the issue within uploading pictures one at a time. You can upload a bunch at once, just select them one by one, and upload them all in one go, then you can click the 'place inline' button to put them where you want.



I uploaded these two pictures at the same time and used this process described.

bowlofsalad said:

I don't know what the best option is concerning sharing pictures. There are plenty of picture sharing websites, plenty that don't require an account.

Click to expand...

i got a fewp laces to put pics offsite but want these on es directly as part of the posts.

However, have you ever tried clicking the "+" (plus) sign between 'Browse...' and 'Add the file' buttons on the upload attachment tab?

Click to expand...

doesnt' exist in the skin i have to use (subsilver). we (mods/admins) talked about it last year but i guess no one has ever found how to add it.

Amber sorry about the cameras I tried the one with the cardand it seemed to work before I sent it. Am with my girls for graduation and Rachie just told me hers was "flakey" sometimes. Sorry about that.

Your special trackball arrived. Ill get it out next week. Along with the desktop.

You will have a new house in a few months. Dont be afraid to throw out the smoke and fure damage stuff. Think of it asa fresh start!

bigmoose said:

Amber sorry about the cameras I tried the one with the cardand it seemed to work before I sent it. Am with my girls for graduation and Rachie just told me hers was "flakey" sometimes. Sorry about that.

Click to expand...

It's ok; I can probably fix them (unlike my own cameras) just not right now. Tell them congratulations on graduating, and thank them for the cameras anyway--they will be useful again someday!

Your special trackball arrived. Ill get it out next week. Along with the desktop.

Click to expand...

Thank you...I have saved one sound card (soundblaster live) that I use for my music creation stuff out of my really old music computer I'd kept around as a spare but had a dying motherboard that made it very unreliable. So it can go into the new desktop and at least let me play back some of my old stuff.

That trackball will help a lot as it is one thing that I am really used to using with this stuff. One reason I had abandoned that computer was because the PS2 ports wouldn't work with that trackball anymore, and I couldn't find a USB adapter that would work with it on that computer (even though it would work on others, including one with a clone of the OS/software/drivers of that one).


I am looking around to find places that still might have parts to fix my Ensoniq ASR88, but the only one I found so far is Syntaur and they're out of all of the major parts. I emailed them to see if they might find more anywhere, cuz these things are 20 years old and well-loved by most people that got them (usually the only way to get them is to pry cold dead hands off of them kind of well-loved :lol.

You will have a new house in a few months. Dont be afraid to throw out the smoke and fure damage stuff. Think of it asa fresh start!

Click to expand...

I am trying...but some things are very very hard to do that with, as many are irreplaceable. Lots of stuff was full of memories of dogs, or family (like my mom). That huge dumpster is already full, not even two weeks in, and will be emptied in a few days, and this is only with my stuff, not even the house repair stuff (other than the cielings and wall and roof bits that collapsed in or were chopped up by firefighters). I have cut what I was going to try to save in half already.

If the dogs were still here, I would have a much easier time letting the stuff go...but withotu them the stuff is all the physical anchor I have left to my home. Maybe for normal people it is not quite as important to have that anchor...but for me, and probably for other autistics, it is very very very hard to deal with life without a safe spot to go to in times of stress, a den, a nest, whatever you want to call it, that is *exactly* the same all the time, with all the comforting things around us we're used to, smells, sounds, touch, etc.

I now have *none* of that, very suddenly, and I am trying very very very hard to overcome this and make a new safe spot here at Bill's. Tough, since the smell of Anna's cigarette smoke permeates everything in the computer room and loft, there's no way to cover the windows against light and sound, the loft is open so there's no doors to close against the world, not even complete walls around it.

I'd much rather be here than anywhere else that still exists right now, but it is difficult beyond my capability to describe.



In other news I have sent out feelers for parts to fix my ASR88 because I am feeling an overwhelming urge to create music, and since it will take months (at least) to setup my music creation stuff on a computer in a way that will let me use it like I am used to, without huge frustrations finding things while trying to create, the ASR88 i know so well taht I could use it for this blindfolded. Even though it's limited in a lot of ways, at least it will do everythign I have to do to create music right this moment. (except mine doesn't work yet).

I also sent out feelers to Cakewalk to see if they still have any of the old software versions, cuz I checked and some of them were not in my software cabinet, so they must've been in that room when I was reinstalling stuff the past few months after being reinspired to start making music again by Mdd0127. (I really really wish I could reach him.)

(I can't really use the newer ones cuz they bloated them up and made them visually difficult to deal with and use, with all sorts of fancy graphics taht get in the way of me trying to work, distracting me to the point I cannot actually get past the pretty stuff to use the program).


Anyway, I'm trying to restore normalcy...it is going to take a long time.


I gotta go get ready to head to the house to meet with anyone that is able to show up today; 8am is the earliest time that's likely to happen but i need to be there so they can get in, even though today I really really don't want to go there or do anything to do with the fire or cleanup; I want to rest and catch up with myself.

Maybe I will be able to do that tomorrow. Or the next day. Or maybe the day after that....

If you need to toss things you still want to remember, take pictures it's the next best thing to keeping it. When I was younger my mom took pictures and it really helped. It maybe the only option on badly smoke damaged items. I hope you can think of this as a fresh start.

HI Amberwolf,

I join the rest of ES on this one. Sorry to hear from your loss.

If you need anything from my website, parts for your next build or something don't hesitate to pm me.

thanks...hopefully i won't need anything, depends on what the looters steal. (edit: otoh, i think all the parts for your controller upgrade project are intact in a box that was in the front room well below navel height where the heat was bad).


I caught my first one today just around sunset as i was bringing the last box out of the house for today, and putting it in teh shed.

Some white guy in a black or dark blue hoodie with i think a backpack, maybe 18-20, skinny, a little shorter than me I think, 5'2"-5'4"? was standing under the cut area of the big mulberry tree with something in his hands, turned away from me. At first I thought he might be a friend come over looking for me, but then I just knew what he was doing. I'm not sure of any of the exact words exchanged, especially after the first few because I got upset inside, calm outside, and I probably was not very polite in my phrasing.

I said something like "dude, what are you doing here?" and he didn't respond and I said something else I forget what and he turned around and said something along the lines of "I heard there was a burned down (or out) house" and I said "yeah, it's MY HOUSE, and you need to leave", and he then asked if he could help me, and I told him in no uncertain terms to get out of my yard.

He put down what he was holding at that moment, a broken ryobi power screwdriver, and an old checkbook cover of my mom's, each taken from who knows where as stuff is piled all over randomly as the cleanup crew brought it out day before yesterday. Dunno if there were any checks in it but if so they'd be from last century, for bank account(s) long closed when she died or even before. Anyway, he kinda sidled along slowly and dind't head for the gate, but instead toward the gap between sheds, and I told him to get out riht now before I called the police, and piointed at the gate, and escorted him teh rest of the way, getting my phone out at the same time, ready to dial 911, standing back from him at least ten feet just in case he turned on me.

he left and walked down the alley slowly toward the east, and i stared at him, shaking all over, and saw my neighbor to the back (John) and told him if he ever saw the guy (who could still be seen clearly walking away) he should call the police immediately. Then I realized I ought to have called them when I saw the guy and not dealt with him at all, and so I did call them and after about an hour I guess they finally got someone out there to take a statement, and see the scene. I had picked up the two items he had held with a bubblewrap bag so they could use them as evidence or whatever if they did indeed catch him at any point, as I didn't really care about either one and they'd've probably been tossed out anyway.


While waiting for the police, I called Bill to have him come down and pick up my ASR88 and a guitar body I found in teh shed that used to be my little sisters; it's missing the bridge plastics and the string pins in the body, and the strings, but all those should be easy to replace, and cheap. it's a crappy guitar, but it is better than no guitar. I didn't want to try to carry them on the bike trailer cuz I was still so shaky that i don't think I could have loaded them and tied them down properly. The ASR88 is very very heavy for me now, and it's 88 keys so it's very long and awkward, too.


Bill got there long before the police, and we loaded those up, and wiated, just as I went to tell more neighbors about the dude the police SUV pulled up out front, so I walked up and gave the officer my report. She took it all down, checked the evidence and said they might get DNA but probably not fingerprints, except maybe off the checkbook cover. She also looked at the scene itself, asked a few questions about the situation, and then drove around to see if she could find the guy (not very likely since the response time was way way way too long--he could've walked miles in the time it took them, even at his speed).



So it has been a terrible end to an already very stressful day.

it's not like I actually care very much about any of the stuff--it's just stuff, but the principle of it matters a lot. You don't just walk into someone else's yard and steal shit, whether there was a fire there or not.

If he had stayed outside the yard, gotten my attention, and ASKED for any of the things within sight of the back fence I probably would have GIVEN them to him! But now I will do everything I can to see if he can land in jail to maybe teach him a lesson about life, and respecting other people (and their stuff). I'm sure he's in the area a lot, especially now that he knows what's there and where it is (he probably explored a lot before taking those things, and he probably also already had other stuff in his bag or pockets).

I really hope one of my neighbors sees him and calls the police and they get there in time to catch him; he probably won't come back while I or others are there during the daytime.

I'm sure his friends or cohorts are gonna come poking around, too. I just remembered now that it's too late I need to call Adam and see if he can extend the tall barbed fence around the alley side, too, not just the street. it might not help, but it would deter some of them.


i also put up a Bad Dog sign at the street/alley corner, and at the back gate; I doubt it will deter most people but some might be.


I also brought back a few more personal things from the house to Bill's, but only took a pic of these two. On left is part of my SCA/Renaissance Festival costume, with a joke almost no one gets, and on teh right is a "scratch by number" kind of thing that Cindy, a friend and an ex-roommate I let stay at my house for a while when she had nowhere else to go, made for me. it was on my old bedroom door for a long time, but dogs knocked it off repeatedly so I put it away in a drawer...glad I never put it on the new bedroom door, because that is completely ashed and charcoaled.

I'm so wiped out right now ai need to sleep, but am still wired from the looter incident. but I can't think well enough to remembver what else happened today, or what the friends that showed up accomplished (or which ones they were!). I'll post again with those details later when I can remember stuff properly.

frocking looters.

i'd almost been starting to be able to sleep more...right after posting the above udpate, i dozed off, then woke about half hour ago to nigiht mare that looters were digging up dogs' grave adn taking their collars and toys and leaving the bodies spread all over the yard.


so i had a thought while laying here unable to go back to sleep: I could get some of those wifi-type internet cameras, put a router in there and run it to a neighbor with internet access. then i could monitor the whole place remotely, and publish the ip addresses of the cameras here too, so anyone else wanting to help monitor the place when i'm away from it coudl do so, and we could catch more looters by calling police on them.


now i just have to find out who sells those cameras here in town to go buy some tomorrow, and talk to my neighbors with internet about running a cable to their place for power and data.

I am speechless and can't stop crying. I'm so sorry about the fuzzy buddies!!!

I just logged back in after a long absence to post my goodbye letter/will and I saw this thread. I got really desperate and depressed a couple of weeks ago because I got the strong feeling that despite my efforts and contributions to this world that no one really cared about me, which is something I still can't help but question. My neck has been hurting so bad that I was going to give away all of my stuff, find homes for my dogs, and basically starve myself to death. In a last ditch effort to find something to live for/prove my worth/whatever, despite being in insane amounts of pain, I drove a chase truck and wrenched on motorcycles for a week straight for the Mexican 1000. Even though my team's bikes placed first and second in class, even up to an hour ago, I didn't feel like continuing in this life anymore, didn't feel appreciated, and still wanted to die. Now I realize that life isn't even about me. I am here to help people and as long as I am here, that's what I'll do. There's one person though, that has been a great friend to me, and he really needs my help right now. That's you Mike! I love you man! I can head your way tomorrow afternoon. I'd leave tonight but I'm so exhausted that I've been throwing up and I don't have gas money. I have a guitar pedal to fix/modify for a friend though and should be able to make enough money from that to have fuel to get down there. I'll start on it first thing in the morning.

I can't do a ton of physical stuff because of my neck but I have a big extension cord hard wired to my 2500 watt inverter that we can use for power at night. I have tons of tools and skills that I can bring down to help with building sheds and rebuilding. I have extra clothes that you can have. I have a rain suit and helmets that will keep you warm and dry. I have two doggies that need more love than one person can give them. And I can park my rv on the street and be security at night until you're back in your house. I'm pretty much out of money, food, and dog food though so I'll need to find some kind of work to do while I'm down there but I'm hoping that my presence will ease your burden and speed up the process of getting you back in your home. My phone is out of time but I'll pm you before I leave. Can't wait to give you a hug!

Some quick thoughts before I forget/pass out. Will APS put in an outlet at the meter and disconnect the wires from the house until the house is done? Power companies in other states do this for construction jobs and it would really be nice to be able to run the AC in the rv for the dogs during the heat of the day. If I can find a little work or sell some stuff, I'd be happy to foot the bill. Also, is it a possibility that the city would issue a temp permit to park my rv on the curb or somewhere on the lot if there's room? Just ideas......I don't know. I'm a little overwhelmed to be frank.

Amberwolf,
I have a guitar I been meaning to get to you...it aint much but its yours...I'll get it re-strung tonight & wrapped & shipped to Bills address tomorrow. (big moose already hooked me up with that)
wish there was more i could do.

mdd0127 said:

I just logged back in

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AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GLAD I AM THAT YOU DID!!!!

I had no way to reach you since your phone number changed before i last saw you and I never got your new one, and having transferred my number from Cox to this tracfone I had no way to access their online incoming call lists, if they even go back that far, to see what number you might've called from when you were last in town. And you'd gotten rid of your computer so you wouldn't be getting email, so I didn't try sending to that.

I got really desperate and depressed a couple of weeks ago because I got the strong feeling that despite my efforts and contributions to this world that no one really cared about me, which is something I still can't help but question.

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Well, i can guarantee you taht ain't true; if nothing else your dogs care about you and need you! But *I* care, and there's likely lots of others you just don't know about. *I* had no idea this many people cared this much either, until now.

My dogs over the years were the single reason I stuck around in the moments over my life when I felt just like you do, because if I werent' there, nobody else would've been there for them--I wouldn't've trusted anyone else to really take care of them because I have seen a zillion times when other people have taken dogs in for others that just couldn't anymore, and then when the other person was not able to do anything about it or find out, they took them to the pound or wherever to put them down, or they just gave them away, or turned them loose, but didn't do a damn thing they said they would to care for them like they'd promised.


So don't you DARE abandon those dogs of yours, or I'll have to beat the CRAP out of you myself.

Now I realize that life isn't even about me. I am here to help people and as long as I am here, that's what I'll do.

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That is exactly it--I figured that out a while ago, long before this, so there.

I can head your way tomorrow afternoon. I'd leave tonight but I'm so exhausted that I've been throwing up and I don't have gas money.

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I can SEND you money, if you have a bank account you can call me with the numbers and I can transfer it, or i can western union it if you have no account. Enough people here on ES and elsewhere have donated that even if I werent' working and still had the dogs to feed and rent/etc to pay I'd be set for about 3 months. (and I wish I could take that time off to deal with stuff but I don't think it'd be healthy, and it would be wasteful of their generosity).

I can't do a ton of physical stuff because of my neck but I have a big extension cord hard wired to my 2500 watt inverter that we can use for power at night. I have tons of tools and skills that I can bring down to help with building sheds and rebuilding. I have extra clothes that you can have. I have a rain suit and helmets that will keep you warm and dry. I have two doggies that need more love than one person can give them. And I can park my rv on the street and be security at night until you're back in your house. I'm pretty much out of money, food, and dog food though so I'll need to find some kind of work to do while I'm down there but I'm hoping that my presence will ease your burden and speed up the process of getting you back in your home.

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Just you being here will help a lot, and you have NO IDEA how much it would mean to see those fuzzy droolbags again, especially right now.

I'm all set on clothes, i now have more than I did before the fire. Helmet is all set; have better one than I ever had in my life. Found a rain coat at goodwill that will fit over whatever I'm wearing, is really thin/light with a hood to go under thehelmet and is bright orange.

You can park your RV in the yard itself if we move the scrap--either the stuff they just moved to the east back fence or the stuff not yet moved on the west back fence; but I am not sure how the city deals with parking on dirt. The driveway is inaccessible cuz of the security fence. I don't think there's an issue about parking the RV on the street itself; I will advise the landlord about it; I'm sure he will have no problem--I have to call him today about the looter incident anyway, to see if he can extend the tall fence around the alley fence all the wya, since it only goes partway down right now.

My phone is out of time but I'll pm you before I leave. Can't wait to give you a hug!

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I have a set of numbers someone gave me that will give you like 8 bucks of minutes at a few cents a minute. I'll PM them to you after I type the rest of this. And I could really use the hug.

Will APS put in an outlet at the meter and disconnect the wires from the house until the house is done? Power companies in other states do this for construction jobs and it would really be nice to be able to run the AC in the rv for the dogs during the heat of the day. If I can find a little work or sell some stuff, I'd be happy to foot the bill.

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Adam (landlord) is dealing with all the utilities/etc so no need to worry. Only potential issue is that they have to run powertools off the temp drop SRP is supposed to someday eventually get around to bothering to put in. However, a friend asked if I needed a generator, so we can get that in there, and it'd provide 115V (wont' run my welder so I'd turned them down before).

Also, the dogs are welcome to have the run of the yard as long as the construction/cleanup crew isn't there, so that they aren't in the way and won't get hurt or let out ot the streets by accident.


The bathrooms in the house are partly cleaned up now and can be used for toilet and washing hands, but the shower in the main bath melted off and the walls are still sooty, and the sink in there broke off the wall when the chair the tower of dog food was on collapsed after the fire from the heat damage to it.

I'm a little overwhelmed to be frank.

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You're telling me!

Thud said:

Amberwolf,
I have a guitar I been meaning to get to you...it aint much but its yours...I'll get it re-strung tonight & wrapped & shipped to Bills address tomorrow. (big moose already hooked me up with that)
wish there was more i could do.

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I super appreciate it, and will accept it if you really want to because I do really need *something* to play on, and it would mean something to havea guitar a friend used to have, but I'm not sure you need to send one; it's not like I can actually play very well or even like a normal person :lol:.

I found my sister's old cheap guitar yesterday and it just needs bridge plastic and strings/pins so should be able to get those at a guitar shop I'd expect, probably for cheaper than a replacement guitar, not sure if it'd be cheaper than shipping.

(though that takamine I'd had was an ebay deal snagged for less than half what they go for cuz the shop in ny had put so many of them up at the same time they didn't get bids on all of them, i think...not a deal i'll find again soon--mostly i loved it because of it's sound and becuase i had learned it's sound and feel and "knew" it, if that makes any sense)

Hey what parts do you need for the ASR-88? You remember I build and repair synths and have some pretty good sources for parts. I loved those ASR's, but haven't seen one in a while. I liked that they were true digital oscillators instead of PCM rompler things that were so popular during that time.

Also, take a look at this when you get a chance: http://www.alesis.com/photonx25

Works as a sound card and midi controller. I've got one in a box if you want it. I used to travel with it for use in hotels, but they only have XP drivers, so I quit using it.

I certainly do "get" the sound & feel of certain instruments...I have some no name unit my son bought me while stationed in Okinawa...its a funky blue lacqure finish but rings like a bell....I have 4 others sitting on stands & proped in the corners of the living room....al have different sounds & feels....some die off in the summer humidity (sound like total crap) Any way, I have a closet full I keep on hand for the family & friends backyard bonfires....I am sending you a Yamamha I picked up for a song (litraly :lol: ) & it is gathering dust these days. It would do me good to know some one is playing it.

this made me smile:

it's not like I can actually play very well or even like a normal person .

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You just described EVERY guitar player I know.....from a backyard boogie hack like myself to some pro's I know.

when you get a minute, please define normal LOL!
I'll pm you a tracking # tomorrow evening
Hang in there brother.

Thud said:

Any way, I have a closet full I keep on hand for the family & friends backyard bonfires....I am sending you a Yamamha I picked up for a song (litraly :lol: ) & it is gathering dust these days. It would do me good to know some one is playing it.

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Ok, well, I guess it can never be possible to have too many instruments to choose from...that's one reason I used MIDI to start with. :lol: Myabe I can learn to play two at once! Or teach a new dog to play the other one (without eating it instead).... now THERE is a challenge I may have to take up!

Although I just had another sad moment--I used to have wolf-picture guitar picks (most were in the guitar case), including one that was an amber wolf that I kept taped to the top of my old laptop, which survived the fire, but I just noticed that somewhere along teh way the pick is no longer on it. Dangit. Well, I think I got them from The Pick Guy on ebay so I'll see about ordering more. They were cheap, probably not even good picks, but they did what I wanted and they were purty. EDIT: I found I still had an old email convo from then in gmail's online stuff, so i emailed him to ask--interestingly enough he is in Michigan....

this made me smile:

it's not like I can actually play very well or even like a normal person .

Click to expand...

You just described EVERY guitar player I know.....from a backyard boogie hack like myself to some pro's I know.

when you get a minute, please define normal LOL!

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How about I define ABnormal, where I lay the guitar in my lap, and press down on the strings/neck from teh top, and finger pick or pick-pick the strings on the body? Started cuz I can't always wrap my hand around the neck cuz my fingers hurt, but also because I can see what I am doing as I can't really even *type* without looking every so often, or for certain characters, much less play music. Assuming most of my stuff could really be defined as music, per-se. :lol: some of the better newer stuff is up on Soundclick
http://soundclick.com/amberwolf

This one
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=675355&songID=5119597
was done entirely on the ASR88 and EPS16+, each one playing half the tracks, step-edited track by track after I played the stuff in. I'm sure a real editor could fix it and make it a better song, but it is what it is, and is the lead-in song on the Uncommon Ground CD.

This one was also all done on one of those two; I forget which one:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=675355&songID=5119582

This one was entirely done on softsynths in Cakewalk's SONAR but I would love someday to redo it on the ASR88 just because. (I just have to find and use some sort of external arpeggiator for the bassline cuz I have to play it in live).
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=675355&songID=5112634


And here's A New Hope, which is appropriate for this time:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=675355&songID=5112464
it doesn't quite express how I feel right now, but it'll have to do.


Used to have older good stuff on Cox but they deleted all the user webpages and space without warning one day some time ago. Got lots and lots of hours of really old stuff, pre-MIDI/computer editing, on open reel and cassette tapes and DAT that never got transcribed to computer, that probalby survived the fire being in one of the closed-off rooms. Don't have a DAT player anymore (it died at least a decade ago) but I have open reel and cassette players.

If people want to hear any of the older stuff already in the computer I can put some of it up on soundclick, for those I have intact files of.


I actually ran across my boxes of Uncommon Ground CDs yesterday, so I'm considering sending one to each person that has donated or sent something to me, once this is all over and I am back in my house. Can't cost that much to do, and even if y'all don't like the music, the cover is pretty.

GMUseless said:

Hey what parts do you need for the ASR-88? You remember I build and repair synths and have some pretty good sources for parts. I loved those ASR's, but haven't seen one in a while. I liked that they were true digital oscillators instead of PCM rompler things that were so popular during that time.

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Yes, and samplers and nifty effects, and 8-track recording, which I think are mostly what I used it for.

I don't know for certain all the parts it needs, but at least one mouse got into it at some point, several years ago, and chewed thru cabling (whcih i can fix) and peed on circuit boards, cuasing corrosion I can't fix (cuz I can't see it well enough and havent' been able to trace down where things ought to connect that may not be doing so anymore). I knwo these things could be fixed, I just can't do it anymore.

I'm pretty sure it needs the main board, and it might need the DAC/ADC board, possibly a power supply. I hope it doesnt' need the button/display board. I can try to take pics with the phone and post them but not sure how they'll come out.

Syntaur is out of stock on all of these parts, and I sent them an email but that was only yesterday I think, so I don't expect them to respond for a while. These are the suspect parts:
http://www.syntaur.com/4225.html
http://www.syntaur.com/4213.html
http://www.syntaur.com/4153.html

Also, take a look at this when you get a chance: http://www.alesis.com/photonx25

Works as a sound card and midi controller. I've got one in a box if you want it. I used to travel with it for use in hotels, but they only have XP drivers, so I quit using it.

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Well, since I only use XP cuz I hate the newer versions of Windows, that wouldn't be a problem. :lol:

Only issue I see with it is it's keyboard is nowhere near long enough for my typical style of playing--even the 49 key Maudio Mdd0127 had given me wasn't enough...actually sometimes I ran out of keys when I used my 88-key ASR88. :lol: It would still let me play bits into the computer, once I get my computer set back up for music (which will take a very long time, unless I can ghost the harddisk over onto a spare using the machine Bigmoose is sending, and just fix drivers, which I want to try to do anyway)

However...I hope to fix the ASR88 first, and that would let me make music even without a computer. I used to do all sorts of stuff with just that keyboard (and the EPS16+ before it), so I can do enough if I can just find the parts to fix it. So unless you're just dying to be rid of it you should hold onto it for now--maybe someone else needs it more than I do.

Just eating my lunch & listening to a couple of your links......Amberwolf, you just blew my mind a little bit LOL.
I would call it contemplative music but its produced way past my expectations....

as for how to hold a gutiar, there are too many examples of virtuoso's doing it all "wrong" over the years..here is just a little example:
check the solo starting at 3:45 (if you can hang in that long)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikHI7_PMFNc