thundercamel said:
For what it's worth, I met my wife on eharmony. This was before the age of swipe right apps, and trying match.com beforehand just seemed like people looking for hookups. It seemed to me that the added expense of eharmony helped filter the users to be mostly looking for a serious relationship. It was still a bunch of work; I had been on there about a year, doing their 3-month discount rate several times. Been on several dates and a few repeat dates. Stefanie had paid for a whole year full price, planning to take her time, and I was the first guy she met! Right off the bat, we just got along so easily, and still do. A lunch turned into a movie, and a forest preserve walk.
I've never used tinder or any of that other bullshit. Sex is easy, love is not. I always date on okcupid, because it has a lot of features that appeals to nerds. And you're almost guaranteed to find a gal on there who can appreciate the intense nerdiness of people like us
eHarmony told me that there were no matches for me :lol: on okcupid, i've always had my pick of the litter of a dozen women who were either geeks or geek appreciators
I did meet a woman on there a few days ago. She's a surgery technician who is an amazing visual artist and practices yoga, has a nurturing and sweet nature, yet doesn't mind a good fart joke. She's also pretty smart. And hot ( boy am i glad i lost weight and hit the gym over the last 6 years, otherwise i'd have no chance of landing a 39 year old that looks like a 25 year old!! ). I'm still waiting to find out what the small print is on a woman like this... :lol:
I didn't want to rebound, but i couldn't help respond to a message she sent me. I had to know if a woman like her was actually real. I was honest about wearing a spatial frame on my tibia in my profile, so go figure, the one woman who approaches me has a career in cutting people up!
She is similar enough to my ex wife, that i knew how to talk and relate to her right off the bat. I took her to some of the same places i took my ex and she LOVED it. But she's different enough that the personality attributes that caused problems in my previous relationship aren't present in her. We are both the 'giver' types that usually dated colder people, so i don't know how that dynamic works over the long term. However, two people who are used to showering affection on their partner as a means of keeping an otherwise shitty relationship going results in some pretty amazing physical experiences, let's say
.
We've however both had to practice accepting affection and kindness because neither of us are used to that! And it's frocking funny when we notice we're rejecting kind acts and being too individualistic!
My ex of 10 years was also a 'first date on okcupid' after i moved from California to Oregon. okcupid is really good for narrowing down people and saving you tons of time! I wouldn't date any other way!
My ex put up a profile on okcupid and i had to laugh because all her profile pictures had her scowling or looking at the camera sideways, yet not smiling. :lol: she hasn't done the physical and mental self improvement work i've done on myself over these years, and it really shows.
I've had plenty of time to sit back and think about whether this is a rebound or not. I've meditated on it for at least 5 hours over the course of a week. I don't think it is. I think that actually, this relationship is closer to being therapeutic for both of us. The timing wasn't right, and i didn't think this would turn into anything serious, but that doesn't matter.
I'm finally back to getting consistent sleep. I'm deeply at peace, having swapped someone my mortal enemy for someone who accepts me for who i am. I was so messed up from that last relationship that i felt unloveable. But no - it was just the wrong person.. and a lot of damage and resentments.