End of the World. Beginning of a new one. The Life of Amberwolf.

Deeply sorry for your loss... We are with you Amberwolf.

How very,very sad. I don't know what to say.

I'll be asking dogman for your paypal info.

Hang in there man...

stay strong Buddy

after a fire comes fresh growth and free standing flowers

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, I can't imagine the grief you are going through, just remember to take it one step at a time.

I had to put my dog down monday cause of lung cancer AW.I felt like a traitor taking her to the vet. She looked just like your fox red lab. 11 years old.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I will send some money.Time will make things easier.

Hang in there Amberwolf.

I just sent $150 via paypal.


Please everyone lets send him some dough.

Sorry for my language, I lost three of my dogs. Nothing let you forget.
Amberwolf, keep them in your mind. They have not suffered because of asphyxiation.

Hang in there man. That relay sucks. Luke and Dave are right your dogs loved you and they would not blame you. As time goes you will heal. I believe there is something after we die with the way my mind works for me I just can't see this as all there is.

some of the most memorable and fun memories i've had were had while i was dreaming... that's how i see things happening for me when my time comes .

I have been watching this thread since it popped up last night, trying to think of something worthwhile to say. There just aren't words for this kind of thing. I'm very sad at the news.

You are not alone, Amberwolf, though it may feel that way without the company of your closest friends.

Take extra care of your body now, because you'll need your physical health for what comes next.

omg,
I just heard the terible news.....nothing I can say that hasn't been said already. This is an uncomprehendable loss my friend.
please don't blame yourself for the situation....easy for me to say but really, it is not your fault.

Please let us know if you need anything or if funds get out of controll....or if you just want a ph # to call & talk...I am here for you man.
T

amber,

So sorry to hear this sad news.......

Amberwolf i am sorry for your loss.

I don't know you, but i know what you have done and hopefully will continue to do for this forum.

Remember even tho you have a hard time, it could always get worse.
So be happy for what you got, not for that you miss.

This may be a little to cynical words from a young swede, but they have helped me in hard times.

//Trilska an active forum lurker.

amberwolf said:

If I had not worked Monday or Saturday and had lunch then I would have been home and thyey'd all be alive.
...
I am always so careful to prevent such things butI guess I screwed up this tiem and it cost them their lives.

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Remember my kind friend, all living things have a clock running from the moment they become alive, and all living things will return to dust at some point, nothing escapes that. All anything can ask for in life is to get the chance to have some experiences, and the lucky ones get to feel loved along with there experiences.

I bet each of your dogs would choose living in your care with your love and kindness for even just 1 happy year over living 100 years without feeling loved and wanted. I know for certain your animals had fantastic well-loved and well-cared for lives they were lucky enough to experience during there time spent living.

The amount of living you do has really minimal to no relationship to how long you're alive for. I know you gave those dogs fantastic well-loved lives filled with kindness and playing and adventures in trailer pulled behind ebikes and all sorts of stuff most dogs could never dream of getting to do my friend. Those things matter SOOOO much more than a pre-mature ending does, especially in the case of a dogs reality which I believe is much more experience based than illusion/construct based like human realities.


What happened can't be undone, but you are still the same amazing loving kind creative smart compassionate person who contributes so much to helping us out on this forum. We all love, enjoy, and wish to support however we can to help you get back on your feet. I currently have under $100 combined in all cash, checkings and savings combined, but that's enough to get some packages in the mail to you, and I'm rich in tools and parts and laptops and things.

So sorry to hear of this tragedy, hang in there mate.

Amberwolf,
Sad about your dogs. Hang in there.

$100 will be in your PayPal account as soon as I get your email address.

National Fire Adjustment Co., Inc.
http://www.nfa.com/
Company that helps to get more money from insurance companies. They helped me when I had a fire. Worth whatever they charge. Looks like they are on the east side of the US. I would give there phone number to your landlord and see if there is a similar company in your neighborhood.
Think this is the main office?
(716) 689-7700
1-800-777-3333
(716) 689-7768 Fax

Love,
MARTY

Saw the thread this morning and I could not even respond.
Tears are salty, and they make it hard to see the keyboard and monitor.

Hug yourself for us...

My thoughts are with you at this sad time.

Sorry I couldn't finish replying to you all earlier, I got some calls and had to take them, including a long talk with my sister up in Washington (the only family I know for sure that feels like I do, and this hit her as hard as it did me; I have to call her again tonight to make sure she is ok because now she's where I was last night. Hachi was really super special to her, too, just like she was for me, even though they never met.

Then I had to leave to go meet with Red Cross; they gave me a card to help with food and clothes and everything else; it's not a lot but every penny helps right now. (and there have been a few unexpectedly huge (to me) donations from ES members and a couple of other "internet friends" I've made over the years, which each match what RC gave me--I want you all to know I thank you all so much and am in tears from this---I did not realize how many people cared or expect this kind of support).

After that I had to go to the landlord's place to sign some stuff and get some info; he's gotten power and water transferred over to him for now, but SWGas is being a PITA and won't do it; I have to call and work out why.

spinningmagnets said:

I'm sorry for your loss. I am sad for you, my friend. My two dogs passed away a couple years ago and I still miss them...

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I don't think I could live a couple of years without dogs around.

Camel said:

Sincerest condolences for your tragic loss. Such a terrible thing to happen.
Please PM me your paypal details if we can help in any way.

My wife just burst into tears when I told her - Her favorite pic was of dog in carrier.

Our thoughts are with you.

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Thank you. PM Bigmoose, Ypedal or Dogman for paypal info/etc.

bowlofsalad said:

I am sorry for your loss.

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Thank you.

dogman said:

Awww man. I knew something really bad had happened, but somehow didn't see this thread till now.

This really sucks to hear. Anything you can put in a washing machine can be saved. So smoke damaged clothes for example can just be washed and eventually the smoke smell will go away. Regular soap won't do it though, so you might try soaking clothes in other strong soaps in a bucket before taking them to a washing machine. I'd try the fast orange hand cleaner first myself. Then perhaps oxy clean once you put em in a washer.

Hard stuff can be scrubbed, so all your dishes and such are ok. Other things are much much harder to get the smoke out of. Nothing you can do with a bed but toss it, and even pure wood furniture will be hard to really clean the smoke out of. One option for some furniture would be painting it. A wooden dresser or desk could be painted. You'd wash it, then you'd prime it with oil based primer first, then paint it. You'd have to paint every inch of it, inside, outside, backside, all the drawers on all sides. And even then, there'd be a hint of smoke smell.

Furniture such as a couch is a goner. Books will smell forever, if any are irreplaceable, keep them, but you might have to bag them to stand having them in the house.

Stuff you just have to keep that is smoked is going to be a big problem. It will be a long time, if not forever, that that smell will not send you into post traumatic shock. So in many ways, it will be best to chuck everything that cannot be completely cleaned. It's just really hard to get rid of that smoke smell completely. So even stuff that can be cleaned, you should replace them as soon as it's possible. I've done quite a few fire remodels. It's extremely hard to get it all out. I hope the landlords insurance will pay for enough to make the house smell go away.

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He will be tearing out all the walls to make sure wiring is all ok and up to code, and the cielings are toast anyway. So that is not an issue. My stuff...I don't know. I couldn't really tell inside there I had to wear a mask just to breathe. Have to wait and see in the next few days if I can go in and start digging around.


Cigarette smoke always brings up my mom's death to me, so I guess you're right about this smell probably doing the same thing later. I hope not....

TylerDurden said:

Hang in there, dude.

Stay in touch here, we will help however we can.

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Thank you.

Kingfish said:

Please accept my deepest sympathies for the terrible loss of your family.

Try to get some rest, KF

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Rest is hard to do. Every blink I see them instead of darkness.

dogman said:

I'm having a really hard time with this news. I want to just jump in the car, and drive 400 miles to you to help, and bring a dog you can hug.

Best though, to send money since I'm so physically useless now myself. At least, we need to buy AW a new computer as a starting point. Let us know how to send you some paypal bucks, or just what address to send cash to.

I'm assuming you had no renters insurance, and lost everything. Red cross will get you some pants and shirts and such, maybe even help with a card you can go buy a bed with.

God, this just sucks so bad I can't hardly stand it. I can only imagine how much 100 fold worse it is for you.

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RC did help with the card; I have 15 days to use it but it won't take more than the rest of this week I think.


I am going to find the biggest "tin shed" kit I can, to build on the back yard (the landlord already approved it) to put stuff into. It will replace the smaller of the two sheds, and that smaller one will move over, I guess. Or maybe I'll just put it across the back fence behind the smaller one so I don't ahve to move that one. Or maybe I'll put it on the east side of the trees in the always-dead area of the yard along the street. I dunno.

Then I need to clean out the barn-shed under the tree and ditch the bulky washer/dryer in there I'd saved for parts, to make room for the other stuff that has to get out of the house.

This is so much physical work I am going to have to ask for local help to do it. Then I also need to weld up supports for shelving to put in there--I have all the stuff to do it but no power, and won't have that for quite a while I guess. Have to have 220VAC for my welder and can't exactly run that over from the neighbor's.

Ykick said:

Tragedy! So sorry AW, Red Cross is great idea though. Can we get a PayPal thing going as I would like to help with a liitle something? Hang in there buddy! Tough times but will get better....

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Thank you. PM Bigmoose, Ypedal or Dogman for paypal info/etc.

sbike said:

Dear Amberwolf,

I am so sorry to learn of your loss.

You have a community here in the sphere and in your neighborhood that cares deeply for you.http://endless-sphere.com/forums/images/icons/misc/heart.gif

I lift you up in my prayers - for comfort, for courage, for strength, for restoration, for renewal and for hope for the future.
' Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.' Mat 5:4

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Thank you.

bigmoose said:

Amber I too am speechless... my prayers are with you.

Get some rest, and try to not blame yourself. Things happen in this life. Woudda, coudda, shouldda... but we are human and not the Almighty... we cannot see all things... and stuff happens.

Stay with people and savor their fellowship. Reflect on how many friends you have and how they are reaching out to help you. Don't say no to any help, it will build ties and new experiences. Try to keep your job and stay engaged in life. I cannot begin to understand how hard this is for you... I know how you loved your dogs... they were your family.

I have an XP Home mini tower I can send. Keyboard and mouse. I'll need to make sure it boots OK. I am sure I have an IBM X30 laptop that I can send too, but I may have to rebuild the hard drive. Also I think one of my girls left a digital camera upstairs in their bedrrom. If it works and I can find the charger, I'll send it too. Time to pitch in.

Get us an address where we can send things and as others said a paypal address for some financial help.

Fill us in on Bill too, is that where you are staying?

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THe dogs were my fuzzy kids...to me it is exactly as if a human family burned to death in the fire, though I know a lot of people don't understand that, from reactions I've gotten in the last day. They also don't understand that I can't let go of this little Christmas puppy toy,but it is all I have left of them right now; I can't get anything else from the house yet. If I let go of it or put it down I am afraid I will lose all control again. I get such wierd looks from most people, even the help organization volunteers, except a very few--they look at me and just UNDERSTAND it.

On my travles around to the different places I needed to go today, I aksed Bill to stop at a humane society or something so I could at least see and hug some dogs, but we did't make itto any (the one we tried to go to out west of here while we were in that area doesnt' seem to exist anymore). We did pass a little grooming shop and I went in to aks if they knew where the shelter might have gone, and saw four little doggies, couple of pugs and couple of what might be tiny setter mixes or similar; all of them wiggled around and waggled and wanted to climb on me. It made me feel so much better just with that, but now I miss Hachi and Nana and Loki and Fred that much more.

But the groomer there gave me a name and number of a large-dog rescue that is always so busy they can hardly return calls, so when I have a place to keep them maybe they will be who I will work with to find the first new rescue. And none of the people in there gave me that funny look about the littlepuppy toy.


I've PM'd you (and Ypedal and Dogman) the address here, and PM'd the paypal earlier. I'll readd the paypal incase I forgot.



I appreciate everyone's help so very much. On the laptop if all it needs is winxp and drivers I have my winxp cds from my melted computer still, asthey were in the other room far away from the fire. Should be legal to install it on a different computersince the original tower no longer exists, as it is a full retail xp rather than oem. I still have my old toshiba laptop but the power connector is broken off inside, and I can't find the ac adapter either. I'm sure I can repair it and use it but i have to takeit completely apart to get to the connector and wire a new one in as the old is kinda ripped offthe board from what I can tell from the outside.

The camera would be appreciated whatever it's quality. I'll probably never be able to replace the wonderful Canon that GMUseless so generously had sent me. I finally did pry out the card reader from the melted tower, as it still has the cards from both my melted Sony camera and the melted Canon; I can't get the cards out but I might still be able to read the data off of them via USB if the electronics still work.



edit added: I forgot to answer about Bill. He is a friend that I worked with at CompUSA, where we became friends years back, and have kept in touch every week or two for lunch ever since the place went out of business. We understand each other pretty well; he tolerates a lot of my eccentricities better than most people would. We're also both from Texas and have a country background so that helps too. Since he's retired he has the time to help out driving me around right now to get stuff done, anda truck to move things when needed. He's the one that helped me transport that giant fish tank (both of them) earlier this year, and the "new" electric stove (taht I never got to install yet), among many other things over the years. I'm staying in his computer room/loft, at his and his sister's place here, which is about 5 miles north of my house.

snellemin said:

Sorry to hear about your loss man.

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Thank you.

wineboyrider said:

Almost sounds like some kind of twisted joke as I know how much those dogs meant to you
Sorry for your loss.....

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I wish it was. I have given up on waking up from this nightmare.

Brentis said:

I am so sorry for your loss,
Don't know what to say. Cried this whole thread through.
I can only imagine how hard it is for you
I read your quote and I'm blubbering like a baby.
Know that your are loved by many, wish I could give you a hug.
Hang in there. Pain will pass.
Opportunity is ahead of you, as hard as it is to believe.

Love you man.

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Thank you.

DAND214 said:

Aw, i don't kno what to say. I feel so sorry for your loss.
I know what it's like to loo\se a close friend.like you had.
Lost my dog Thanksgiving weekend. It was bad. i said no more dogs. A week later i had a new one.
i'm almost crying while typing this since I know what it's like.

From all of us at ES we feel for your loss.

Things will get better.

Dan

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I knwo. Just not fast enough or better enough...because that would reuire a time machine.

But there will always be new dogs. No way I could go without them. Especialy not now.

We're praying for you AW, I know how special dogs love is, surpassing that of many humans for sure. I'll also put a prayer request in the agape box for you at church tonight and hundreds will be praying for you shortly. May God's Spirit comfort and give you strength and the peace that passes all understanding. John 16:33

You're already handling this better than I am.
I'm still sobbing, no, no, no. Damn

AW,

Saw a bumper sticker yesterday:

"Lord, help me be the person my dog thinks I am"

You try much harder than most people I know.

Chuck

PS: I have a Tek 465B that needs elcaps replaced. Let me know if you want it and want to go thru the hassle of replacing them.

Oh no, amber wolf. Just reading the first sentences put me into shock. I have no way to feel any of the emotions you are feeling right now. I can not stop thinking about what happened. The horrifying story will linger around in my head, and I am sure other forum members heads for a while.
All I can say is, try to distract yourself from thinking about them. Thinking about them and beating yourself up won't bring them back. I am sure they would not want to see you in the condition you are in now.
I know this is very cliche, but what else can I say? I am sorry for your loss. Your dogs are in a better place now. You will be in my prayers.
Thank you Amberwolf for being the great guy you are on the forum. I pray that good fortune is in your near future.

Rob

Well AW, like many on the forum I did my regular log on to E-S this morning and scanned the threads to see what's happening. I was getting ready to go out for a nice (non e-bike) bicycle ride through the country today. I saw your post. I opened it and couldn't believe what I was reading. I didn't respond this morning because I was so overwhelmed. Spent much of the ride thinking of you and sending you some good positive energy because I know that will be the best thing you could get right now.

I can't begin to imagine what you are dealing with right now.

A fire at my place when I'm not at home is probably one of my biggest fears and to have it happen with such tragic results to someone that I know is tough to hear about.

As you can tell, you have a good support system here. I hope your local circle is as strong as your virtual circle here on the forum.

Please keep us posted and take care of yourself.