End of the World. Beginning of a new one. The Life of Amberwolf.


Staff member
Aug 17, 2009
Phoenix, AZ, USA, Earth, Sol, Local Bubble, Orion
EDIT: formerly titled "There was a fire at my house today while I was not home."

see last page of thread for most current events, "updating the blog".

this thread has over time become a blog about things generally related to home, dogs, bikes, etc.

links to specific early updates below:

04232013 In Memoriam DSC04820.JPG

see bottom of this post for needs list.
link to updates below:
pics of dogs when they were alive: http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&start=0#p732204
4-24-13 morning: http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&start=25#p732302
4-24-13 evening: http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&start=50#p732537
4-25-13 morning: http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&start=75#p732768
4-25-13 nighttime: http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&start=75#p733074)
4-25-13: first pics of house inside http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=733103#p733103
4-26-13: more of those pics of house inside http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=733523#p733523
4-26-13: rest of inside pics http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=733541#p733529
4-27-13: other new pics and info, some good some bad. http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=733541#p733541
4-27-13: update http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=733902#p733900
4-27-13 memorial / grave pics http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=733902#p733902
4-28-13 update http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=734218#p734208
4-28-13 pics http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=734218#p734218
4-29-13 update http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=734716#p734716
4-30-13 update http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=735129#p735129
5-1-13 update http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=735741#p735741
5-1-13 pics http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=735865#p735865
5-2-13 update http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=736338#p736338
5-4-13 mornint update http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=736899#p736725
5-4-13 midday update http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=736899#p736899
5-4-13 evening update http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=736981#p736981
5-5-13 first looter caught http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=737352#p737352
5-5-13 thoughts on catching more looters (wifi cameras?)
5-6-13 update and todo list:
5-8-13 update
5-9-13 partial update:
5-10-13 critical todo for weekend:
5-11-13 update (shed/tank/lathe moved, almsot rescued a new dog, etc):
5-15-13 update 1 (several days worth)
5-15-13 update 2 (stuff I forgot in previous)
5-15-13 pics
fundraising sale of music cd:
5-16-13 update
5-17-13 update 1 started ok
5-17-13 update 2 got not so good
5-17-13 update 3 got pretty horrible
5-17-13 update 4 slight recovery
5-17-23 pics
5-18-13 update i screwed up bad again
(forgot to add links to updates for a while, need to put them here)
6-1-13 update: Met up with St. Bernard rescue group and dogs, got music setup working a little

7-4-13 Independence Day update: http://www.endless-sphere.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=49550&p=762064#p762064
New Apartment, New Dog

All of the dogs are dead, trapped inside. I hope it was quick for them but I doubt it.

I am already having nightmares about it and I have not been to sleep yet. I do not want to go to sleep for fear of what I will dream.

My neighbors and friends helped me bury them tonight. I could not have managed it without them.

After they dug the hole (I tried to help but was just in the way), I climbed down in and lowered all of the dogs but Fred into place, each with a toy I know they used more than any other. I couldn't put their favorites in there becuase those are all inside and probably bits of goo somewhere. I kept one puppy toy Hachi carried like a prize sometimes so I can hold onto it tonight, since I can't hold them anymore. I couldn't lower Fred though.

Fred burned inside her kennel, which was the old Flatbed Kennel Trailer. She is melted into it so she is buried in the little puddle of goo that is all that is left of it. Some of the neighbors lowered it and her down to be with the others.

The other three must not have been in the part of the house that was burning. Nana and Hachi looked like they passed out and collapsed on their sides. Loki was contorted upside down with tongue hanging out so I guess he strangled and fought. All of them were already dragged into the backyard by the firefighters before I arrived.

The fire was out and not even smoking when I arrived. I guess it had been at least two hours already from what they said. Nobody knows for sure what happened, except that it was probably electrical and started in the bedroom, where no ebike stuff was at, except mechanical parts.

If I had not left to have lunch with my friend today this would not have happened. The fire might have started but I would have been there to stop it or at least to get the dogs out.

I am not hurt but I am not ok. I think I am still in shock. I have cried so long I cannot speak well. I don't think I am done yet. I feel more coming but it is not here yet.

EDIT: i will keep a link to the present status of things at the top of this post, and update that each time I post a new update. If I have only a little new info I will edit the previous update and add color / bold for the new info.

If you need the paypal/email address, new mailing address or any other contact info or non-public details of anything, just PM Bigmoose, Ypedal or Dogman.

I would like to thank all of those that have donated already, either time helping me or money or care packages, etc. without all of you i don't know what I'd be doing.

I am still compiling the list trying to figure out which papyal address or other info matches an es username, and trying to remember the names of others outside es that have helped. if you want to be on the list and sent stuff but arent' on there pm ypedal bigmoose or dogman and we can add you. If you don't want to be on the list for any reason, do the same and we can take you off.

Golden Motor Canada

non-es members
adam f
anna c
bill c
cara f
dan ####
david b
david e
david s 1156
deb r ####
gary m 0591
goldie d
jessie & son
jessica 0591
jim s
john w
judy g
julie 1156
kitty e
leanne s 0591
linda f
lori d
mark b
patty w
rachel c 0591
randall w
sheila 1108
steve g
steve ####
steve 0591
tannon w

My bedroom is all burned up. It was my "safe place" to be away from the world and now it is all gone. My computer and monitor and stuff were all in there. I pried out the raid drives and one of them was readable on Bill's computer, which is what I am using to type this on now, while I stay at his house for however long it takes them to rebuild my house. So I have the passwords to log in here and to my email and bills and stuff. (the paper copies were all destroyed) I would post pictures but both cameras were destroyed, having been next to the computer. I am hoping all my data is still on the drive, otherwise all my music and other creations are lost, as well as any bike pictures and stuff. What I have looked at is intact but I am not able to open most files as they are for programs Bill doesn't have.

It also destroyed parts of the front room, bathroom, hallway, and kitchen. It melted the half of the dog food I had in the bedroom and bathroom. The other half I had just spent Saturday night and Sunday cleaning out and moving to the kitchen on a table in the middle of the room, stackedto the cieling in styrofoam boxes with the bags inside, to keep pests out, because I found a bug-infested bag in the stack, which had been all in the bedroom until then.

Of course, now I don't need any of it because all the dogs are dead.

It left the stuff I would have sacrificed easily alone--the room that used to be my mom's that is next to my bedroom, which just has extra junk bits in it, is almost untouched other than smoke.

I would have let the whole house and yard be razed to the ground if I could have the dogs instead.

My trike was outside with the batteries and charger, so it wasn't even smoke damaged. CrazyBike2 was next to it outside, on chairs cuz it's in pieces being worked on. All the other bike stuff in the back room and my old bedroom are ok with just smoke I think. It was dark so I couldn't see well. There's melted stuff in the front room, though, including a plastic goo pile that I think was the box with various controllers, parts, and the stuff for Miguerillart's controller upgrade I had not been able to work on for so long now. I am not really sure because the firefighters knocked stuff everywhere while fighting the fire.

My FF helmet is probably toast from smoke; my leather MC jacket is nowhere to be found (I think it was on the powerchair handlebars in the bedroom, and that powerchair is now a puddle of goo around it's metal bits). It had my spare glasses, notebook with important info, spare keys, and my riding gloves in it. So all of those are probably gone too. My firefighter pants I used for rain and cold-air riding were in the living room and appear intact but are covered in soot. Probably unwearable from smoke smell, just like all my clothes except what I was wearing (which are in the wash now in the hopes of getting the ash and dirt out of them).

I do not know what else is lost.

My neighbors ran a power cord over to keep my refrigerators of food unspoiled, since I can't afford to replace what's in there anytime soon and have nowhere else to put it.

I am not sure what to do now. My life was all for the dogs. They are why I stayed at my job. They are why I worked so hard there. They are what I stayed at this house for, so they would have a big place to play in.
I will check into ES probably a lot to keep my mind off of things. I guess I have a lot of time, since this was the first real day of my week's vacation after the stressful remodels the last six weeks.

I can't go back to the house until late tomorrow at the earliest because firefighters will be back to check for restarts of smoldering, and investigating the source. My neighbors will be keeping an eye on the place while I am not there and it is mostly boarded up, to keep theives out. My Delta Tripper and CrazyBike2 are still at the back porch; there was no way Bill or I could unload either of them from his truck so we did not try to get anyone else to help us load them. I wanted to bring DT with me because I want something to get around on, but Bill is retired so he will drive me for now I guess.

I know I am rambling, probably worse than usual. But I can't stop thinking of things, and want to write them down now. So I guess this will be my "fire blog" thread. I am kind of blank inside now so when I start feeling things again I may say stuff no one wants to read; if it's too much another mod should edit it to tone it down. I have already felt bursts of anger so bad that I wanted to smash things but I have resisted them all so far, turning them into grief and crying instead. Hopefully that is better for me. Its definitely better for my surroundings.

I don't do well with any sudden change because of my AS/autistic tendencies and now EVERYTHING has changed; I can't even wear my usual clothes or have my usual spoons or blankets or cups or dishes or food or anything, much less the things that matter most--the dogs. They were my FAMILY, and now they are all horribly horribly dead.

I am not alone. I have a lot of friends; more in the neighborhood than I imagined, and some really good ones I've had for decades. Even my boss at work came out to the house to see if I was ok (how she heard I don't know but she was there when I arrived, waiting for me), and bought me clothes and stuff at Target so I would have stuff to wear. Other friends and neighbors also brought me things, including shoes (all of mine were in the bedroom, except the kind of crappy old ones I was wearing). My landlord's son will be bringing more tomorrow.

One of the firefighters sent my info to the Red Cross and said I should call them tomorrow to get help there too, but I don't know what kind of help that will be.

Just about everyone that has seen the house said that I have basically lost everything because what isn't actually burned is covered in soot and probably not salvageable. Maybe my bike junk is, but not a lot else. Furniture, clothes, etc. I have no bed; that's just some not-quite-melted springs out in the front yard now. Maybe the metal frame is still ok but even that is burned. It used to be an adjustable hospital bed which was the only way I really got comfy, along with piles of little throw pillows and blankets, which are all destroyed now.

I hope they're wrong and I can save stuff.

The landlord is going to rent a dumpster and put my stuff out by it in the yard so I can go thru it and decide for myself what to toss. But it all has to be taken out of the house--everything, in every room, so they can take the house apart and put it back together, to repair the fire damage and the firefighter damage done to put the fire out and get inside. So I hope there is no wind or rain for the next few months, which is how long it will all end up being out there in the open. I also hope thieves don't decide it's good pickings and take what little I have left. It's going to look like a scrapper's dream out there with all the metal bike stuff and whatnot that I had to store in the house because of the city a couple of years or so ago.

I doubt I'll be doing any of my projects anytime soon. I will probably have to tell my workplace not to bother with signing me up for the next remodels, because I needed to build a new CrazyBike2 to get there and was going to do that this week (I had already started last week). The Delta Tripper might survive another month or six weeks of 30+ mile round trips...maybe not.

Oh, wait, it's actually going to be much worse than that. I forgot that now I will be riding down from Greenway instead of Northern, so even my regular work commute is twice as far, and it's basically 5 miles north of my house, so what would have been a 30+ -mile round trip to the Laveen store remodel is now a 40+ mile round trip. I don't think my battery pack will like doing that every day, especially if I get the winds I ahd to deal with at the last one. I call it a 50-mile pack, but that's under generous conditions. 40 is safer, adn this will be more than that.

But I am not sure I will even be able to go back to work by then. I don't know that I can handle it. I hope so cuz I kind of have to; I don't have that much PTO left.
Thats really really sad news I dont know what to say but I really feel for you, hang in there. I am sure there will be a lot of support from E S members
Its hard to know what to write here other than to try to keep spirits up and try to forget your losses and remember what you still have,its sad losing one dog but all yours must be hard, time heals all
I am really sorry for your loss Amberwolf. I'm just glad you weren't in the house sleeping when it happened.

Take it one day at a time. Eventually this too shall pass.
Sorry to hear about your family, AW. Words don't come easy at a time like this. I really know how losing a family member, unexpectedly, is. It takes time, so, pull yourself together as best you can and go 1 day at a time.

Feel sure that you have another family willing to do whatever it takes, right here on the ES.

Condolences, Harold in CR
I am just beginning to really know that I will never see any of them ever again.

I have been looking thru the pictures of them I managed to save so far. Some of them make me smile for a few seconds before I remember.


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omfg..... :shock:

for the first time in my life, i got out of bed at 6am this morning, i woke up at 5am and was unable to sleep, figured i would move to the couch and turn on the tv , something i NEVER do, not once, ever... but today i do and find this thread....

i had to stop reading half way thru your first post, litterally in tears, i'm so sorry for your loss...... i have one dog i love more than anything , or anyone . else... sandy means the world to me.. and she's getting old... i'm trying to prepare myself for that inevitable day and i sometimes wish i go before her so i dont have to deal with that horrible feeling....... :shock: oh god.. even typing that got me pouring tears again.. fawk...

as you found each of you dogs, you can and will eventually get more, they will never replace, but will love you just as much ... all in time.. be strong.. take one day at a time.. try to find something to keep your mind off things .. if that's even possible right now. but again.. in time my friend.. :|

post up a paypal email we can use. please.
If I disappear for a long while it is probably because I don't have a computer or phone or internet or house or anything at all anymore.

probably i will be able to keep using Bill's as long as I am staying here, but I don't have any idea what the future holds now. It's very scary and I want to curl up in a ball and hide from it.
Well, I had been typing up a reply to each of you that's posted here but Bill's computer with frocking windows seven just frocking closed all my windows and installed updates and rebooted without even warning me or giving me a chance to save anything, and it didn't even frocking remember what programs or windows I had open.

So now I'm so pissed off I want to throw it thru a window and I can't remember anything Iw as going to say to any of you.

I'm sorry.
I am very and deeply sorry for the loss of your dogs and your house. There are not enough words to describe such a terrible thing.

If there is anything I can do, just post it or pm me. We can not replace your dogs. But there may be other stuff we can help you with.
brutal. horrible. shocking. so damn sad. i'm so so sorry for you.

when it comes to dealing with insurance, i'd recommend hiring servpro, if the insurance agency hasn't already, to handle clean up. they itemize all your possesions that were damaged, including smoke damaged, and it adds up to more than you think. pm or email me for details when you're ready.
My heart is with you AW, what a terrible loss. Please don't beat yourself up for not being there at the time of the fire.
I am so very sorry to hear of your tragic loss. It is impossible to imagine your heartbreak - it is quite obvious from all the beautiful photographs of your dogs, just how loved they were. My hope is that you can find some peace in the coming days, weeks and months, knowing what a special bond you were privileged to share with them.

With deep and sincere sympathy
John's wife, Sonia
Very sorry to hear of your losses Amberwolf.
Truly a sad day.
It will take a while but it will pass and there will be some good times ahead.
Sincerest condolences for your tragic loss. Such a terrible thing to happen.
Please PM me your paypal details if we can help in any way.

My wife just burst into tears when I told her - Her favorite pic was of dog in carrier.

Our thoughts are with you.