Buying forest land, implementing solar

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https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-07-bacteria-alzheimer-brains.html

They found that the Alzheimer's brains contained different proportions of specific bacteria compared with the healthy brains. "Comparing the bacterial populations showed at least a tenfold higher ratio overall of Actinobacteria (mostly P. acnes) to Proteobacteria in the Alzheimer's brain compared with the healthy brain," says Emery.

What is this P. Acnes?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propionibacterium_acnes

Propionibacterium acnes is the relatively slow-growing, typically aerotolerant anaerobic, Gram-positive bacterium (rod) linked to the skin condition of acne;[2] it can also cause chronic blepharitis and endophthalmitis,[3] the latter particularly following intraocular surgery. The genome of the bacterium has been sequenced and a study has shown several genes can generate enzymes for degrading skin and proteins that may be immunogenic (activating the immune system).[4]

This bacterium is largely commensal and part of the skin flora present on most healthy adult humans' skin.[5] It is usually just barely detectable on the skin of healthy preadolescents. It lives primarily on, among other things, fatty acids in sebum secreted by sebaceous glands in the follicles. It may also be found throughout the gastrointestinal tract in humans[6] and many other animals.

This is interesting, raises questions as to primary routes of entrance and exacerbating factors.

It likely enter through the skin or through the digestive tract. As to exacerbating factors, eating whatever may grow P. Acnes populations might contribute, eating whatever that opens the interstitial gaps in the body upto bacterial invasion /might/ contribute (Gliadin), then there may be issues with maintaining healthy bacterial populations on the skin (Keeping clean) if that's a viable route. The immune system may be a strong contributing factor, and a collection of items that boost it vs those items that harm it, may affect alzheimers risk. For example, there might be an association between depression (immune system impairer) and alzheimers. There's likely an association between lack of sun exposure and alzheimers. There's likely a strong link between lack of frequent physical activity and alzheimers.

https://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/05/01/does-depression-contribute-to-dementia/

The researchers found that depressed older adults (defined as those over age 50) were more than twice as likely to develop vascular dementia and 65 percent more likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease than similarly aged people who weren’t depressed.

For sure, this does suggest an association between acne and alzheimers.

https://www.livescience.com/8718-rare-acne-linked-alzheimer.html

Though both Alzheimer's and acne inversa appear to be caused by mutations in PSEN1, there have not been any reported cases of both diseases occurring together, the researchers said. None of the fifty subjects in the new study exhibited symptoms of Alzheimer's disease or dementia.

Have acne inversa -> No alzheimers. What is acne inversa?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hidradenitis_suppurativa

Interesting; on that note, acne inversa has significant comorbities so it is by no means a "good disease" to have.

I don't really understand the connection and association with p. acne and alzheimers.

 

[swbluto]

Okay, well I've determined. If the slow down appears to be somewhat permanent over the next two weeks (I'd say within 20% of 200/wk, so less than 240/wk average), I'm going full out job hunting looking for fulltime work. Priority going to skilled jobs, but I'm not going to ignore the closer, lower wage opportunities, key being fulltime work. After a month, I'll expand my search radius to places upto 50 miles away or so for high paying work.

I've also made the decision to no longer go grocery shopping at HEB which is 25 miles, and instead exclusively go to walmart for my organic bananas (Shopping there for bananas requires technique, need to go shopping for bananas so that they have at least a day to ripen before consumption.). When Kroger's opens in a month, I will probably go there. I'm now consolidating my banana trips to 2x a week, and I try to minimize the number of "independent trips"for whatever. So far, it looks like I might only need to fill up the van by 4 gallons this week, a significant reduction over previous weeks. This gets my food bill down to 40 dollars/week, and vehicle gas bill at 10 dollars/week.

Tomorrow, I'll be putting the RV on the driveway (Hopefully no really big problems here, lol) and then immediately working on the fence. Within 2 weeks (The time period allotted for gathering sales data), I should have the fence up and be enabled to go job-hunting/full-time work without significant theft risks. But, I know it really depends. If there's a slowdown across the United States, I understand the job hunt might be hard, but I'm aware that the key driving industry here (refining), always maintains good profit margins regardless of how the economy is doing so (People still have to drive to work and the such) it's a little more stable here than elsewhere (Say, Spokane, which really has no key driving industries.). I'm also aware that if there is an economy wide slowdown, theft pressures might increase in the immediate area, so even if I have the fence up, it might behoove me to put valuables in the van as good practice.

I did a closer analysis of what might've gone wrong, and I see my change was likely responsible given the timing, so I completely reverted back. I didn't think the affect on sales would be that significant, but I guess it was. That change lasted about 5 days, lol.

Key lessons: Options must present as being simple and straightforward, no complexity. Must conform to people's cognitive archetypes (In my particular case, gender norms. I guess it's part of the "Making the choice easier".).

If sales go back upto normal, I may put the hunt for local work on the back burner. But, I'll still be applying for close-enough skilled work and I'll be expanding.

Man, basic income. I wouldn't mind that, lol. In my situation, where my living expenses are about as low as they can possibly be in the civilian world, that'd help grow my savings fast, lol.

I think in a world where work is widely available and the income inequality isn't too severe (Like, say, 1970s USA), basic income is unnecessary but I'd think it'd be largely harmless as money would be going back to mostly the same people paying in. In a world where inequality is driven by technology, and productivity per person vastly outstrips available physical resources, and income inequality is too severe among those in the necessarily existing "service sector", I don't think basic income is necessarily a bad idea and /could/ be beneficial. Because, savings drives investment, and if people are forced into subsistence, savings is impossible to accumulate among those who desire it, and investment suffers accordingly. Less investment -> longterm GDP suffers as business diversity decreases and total economic output goes down. So, I'm not saying it's necessarily beneficial, but I see a strong case for it being /possibly/ beneficial, overall. Experimentation is necessary.

 

[Dauntless]

3% unemployment rate for engineers, 3% EMPLOYMENT rate for Film/TV. Some of these engineers didn't actually finish their BA, the guy across the street for example had changed his major to engineering but had a ways to go when his family ran out of money, wound up with a job where they called him an engineer. People get a BA in Business or other things, attending a rather expensive Master's program for what we call 'Film School' (A BA doesn't make you a film school graduate amongst insiders) and they STILL don't work. And yet there's people who ambled about a community college for a little while, maybe more than one, getting themselves to making a living or even making it big on occasion. But don't you believe that's common, mostly you have a BA to be answering phones. Often unpaid succors doing that, even.

So I wasn't thinking of giving up Film/TV, I just thought I'd develop a sideline that was going to pay off. It started out as a hobby, things like building electrics, etc. Math and Physics at community college would help me understand it better. Since I never really work fulltime I'm always in a class or two. So the guest speaker comes to the school, I'm one of the people always helping the department out so I'm dealing with these people directly, I'm there when one guy is asked about being in whatever industry group they get meeting to guide the college and he says he can't right then, the FEA on a project is already overdue because he can't find the right help, etc. Oh, here I was wanting to ask him about learning that stuff. . . .

. . . .And he starts with this uncomfortable response asking me what I'm taking right then, so I answer "Math and Engineering Physics." BINGO! He started me off on the whole path through school to FEA and CFD. Culminating in 'Let me know.' He wants me to finish up so he can put me to work? Seriously? I come to find out that at least in Orange County, Ca. there was a bit of a shortage there, which shouldn't come as a surprise since much of the Engineering and Physics world is facing a bit of a shortage. I guess someone who's not a 'REAL' engineer but can do the FEA or CFD piecework is probably in very short supply all over. The other biggie was a sequence of Math classes starting with upper division proofwriting then several in Operational Research. (Mathematical Modeling.) The one guy who was working as a tutor in the Math lab had been through that and a company convinced him to just finish college parttime and go to work for them.

The other thing you might remember from college, I've been to Cal Poly Pomona and seen this hanging on the wall. The parttime jobs that pay $20-25 an hour posted for those who are at least upper division STEM students. Don't know if they get all so many people as they want.

I compare that to this: Use a dot as an origin, draw a 10" radius, but also mark 3.16" and 6.32" Draw the three circles with those radii. Washer method or such, the gap between the outermost and the middle circle represent the people who give up on Film/TV at all levels, not just Hollywood, in 2-5 years. The middle circle has 63.2% of the radius but only contains 40% of the area. This represents 60% have given up without any serious paychecks, or maybe no paychecks at all. The inmost circle is only 10%, who may or may not be making a living at any one time but they'll be the real professionals, compared to 30% who have to do other things to survive and never fully make it even as they hang on for decades working some of the time. So many of those hangers on don't go work in offices or anything else the industry could offer to remain attached, nor do they have anything outside they can truly survive by doing, they might paint houses, sell real estate parttime, etc. What I like about this representation is that you don't look at the three circles and think of the imbalance, you have to be reminded that one third the radius is one tenth the area and in the same way people never understand how unlikely they are to get anywhere in the field. I was no different, except those of us who DON'T start out feeling entitled actually do better because we see the obstacles better instead of assuming we'll get what we believe we deserve.

So I got the AA in Math but danged if I just keep failing Calculus and Analytic Geometry. No Engineering Physics for me, so no upper division FEA and CFD classes. (Sigh.) I'd had these visions of someone needs me for a few weeks and I pick up $5-10k real quick and have a shoot lined up when that finishes. Ah well.

 

[swbluto]

Cool, FEA and CFD. I was needing some FEA when thinking about what kind of structures were possible for providing shade for my RV, so I see it being rather important for any custom engineering and design work in construction, so places where there's lot of real estate dollars flowing such as the coastal cities during the real estate loan money booms (Like recently), the demand for these skills will be pretty strong I'd imagine. I don't know how strong the demand for them would be during the real estate down cycles when construction slows down... that'd be curious to know...

I never took any engineering classes that did FEA, but my "calculus based physics" classes did some basic static analysis. Not enough for me to figure out if a particular wooden structure wouldn't collapse, lol.

Ok, it kind of seems like sales are getting back to normal now. Phew, I was getting a little ansy thinking my net income was going to be a tiny bit above living expenses. Definitely can't build savings for a house or any kind of construction at that rate. I'm still a bit on guard, but it looks like 5 out of 7 days this week should be "back to normal", so better than last week. Applying for local fulltime work is definite, though.

And, I just figured out I need to figure out how to secure a piece of tarp with a hole to a short pipe. Then attaching the pipe to the water storage container should be trivial.

I'm thinking maybe feeding the tarp through the other side of the pipe, then securing it to the other end with a pipe cap, than the pipe cap can be drilled to install a screen on and let water through to the bottom. Alternatively, maybe there's something else that can fit on the end of the pipe to secure the tarp to the pipe that already has a hole in it?

I was thinking of getting a screw thingamajigger at first, but I thought the threads wouldn't likely mate well with a tarp in the way, lol.

 

[swbluto]

Gee, walking outside and feeling like I need someone's affection right now, lol.

I remember there was a person whose journal read "Please love me" or some such, seemed to be a common theme. He was disinhibited and acted on impulse and he was generally well liked at his school (Popular, I guess). 11th grade, walked into the school foyer, blew his brains out.

Yep, he suffered from depression.

I knew his cousin, she was crushing on me because I was teasing her endlessly as part of my "how to make any girl fall in love with you" training at the time (She was originally at the house because she needed to use the internet, and my house was directly on the way to her house and she knew my sister,so it was convenient for her.). It was so weird reading about this somewhere and wondering "Wait, my sister's friend is this girl?". Anyway, I just felt like I had a strong connection with his journal entries, don't know why. And his cousin was crushing on me, and I just wondered if I was secretly more similar to this guy than I imagined, lol. (Because, no, I was not really like him in regards to high school at the time, lol.)

Anyway, Skylar Cullitan was his name. And, Remelisa was his cousin (Kind of odd, since she immigrated from the phillipines as a child, so I'm not entirely sure how they'd be related since he was caucasian. At least not genetically.). I don't know where she lives now, but I suspect she was living somewhere in Idaho since I last saw her working at the silverwood amusement theme park during one halloween visit. Anyway, just curious.

 

[swbluto]

[youtube]25QyCxVkXwQ[/youtube]

Even lions know how to do it, at exactly 2:00.

 

[swbluto]

Wow, she's been busy. Have a website (Well, so I do, but I'm e-commerce so... lol.) and apparently co-produced a movie that featured a lot of familiar names (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2404070/?ref_=nm_ov_bio_lk1). This is kind of bizarre, but pretty cool. Apprarently showed at the garland (historic district theater downtown). https://www.reddit.com/r/Spokane/comments/265c83/does_anyone_know_where_i_can_watch_the_2012_movie/

[youtube]BjFS1nAhtU4[/youtube]

Just sent her an email. Oh gosh, it was hard trying to divulge everything that have been happening because... she didn't leave on friendly terms with me. And, I don't really like her (Never really did, though once I thought /maybe/ I would grow to like her, lol. I've since long dispelled that notion, it's pretty easy to tell if your personalities mesh from the get go, and with my experience, that's not something that's really easy to change. It's better to seek your kind than to force a relationship. Less wasted energy, more success and happiness.)

 

[swbluto]

Once I get a fulltime job, first priority is a second vehicle. Because, I definitely see vulnerabilities with not having a second vehicle here. There is /no/ alternative forms of transportation. No buses, no UBER, no taxi, NOTHING. There's walking on the side of the highway for 12 miles if you need groceries.

Anyway, I thought with my business, I could potentially operate without a car if need be, but last week was getting me the idea that I can't really depend on it like I once thought I could. I once I thought I could because business has been normally pretty strong, but it's been abnormally weak recently and this is bad timing for being abnormally weak; just spent nearly 1k on shed/fixtures/replacements in the last month. Couple this with an uncertain generator situation, is making me pretty wary of depending on this business.

 

[Dauntless]

Something tells me they made that movie before 2012. Things seem earlier. Sometimes it takes a long time for people to finish these off Hollywood epics.

The one that got away, eh?

https://www.remelisa.com/bio

 

[swbluto]

The one... lol. I wish!

The flirty HEB girl was the closest I've been to "The one" in a longtime, and it's hard to believe it's because she's really "the one", lol. It's a lot easier to believe she's just generally flirty and sexy and, hey, she just happened to kind of look like my mom... maybe she is the one, lol. I just don't want to believe a ho is "the one", lol.

But, you know, strangely... I kind of get the impression I don't really care if she's flirting with other guys... and she's generally flirting with everyone... so oddly enough, maybe our personalities are really designed for each other. As pathetic as that seems to admit. It seems like I should care if my girlfriend is flirting with other guys, but maybe I didn't really care because... uhhh, I lost interest in her at that moment. The pulling back and forced behavior afterwards seemed unnatural, like a strong predictor that it wasn't really going to work out as much as I might want otherwise. The girls I did that to back in highschool didn't just pull back and force a response; they locked eyes and their eyes widened with excitement/interest. But the way she suddenly lunged forward and acted like she lost something really special when I blew it off, confused me a little bit. (Like, maybe she doesn't get an offer that often because she's nuts, lol, and she just suddenly realized that when this once in a lifetime opportunity vanished before her eyes, lol.)

Maybe this is a common issue, lol.

I think about that forced response... given all that happened after the fact... I strongly suspect she was trying really hard to work through the very nervous crush energy that was inhibiting her. I could definitely tell she was aroused, a strong internal feeling. It was a feeling that very quickly went from "defensiveness"/'surrendering defenses"/"embracing the love"

I have to admit, I was getting apprehensive with the defensive feeling, because even though I don't think I could've been charged with anything by police or whatever, I did get the impression there was a strong risk of a really unwanted situation that I didn't yet fully realize. Her staying back and acting as she did only added to that concern; she was unpredictable and seemed to be still somewhat on guard, even if 'the feeling' had felt like she had let down her guards.

Of course, this concern soon proved baseless seeing her reaction to the withdrawal. At least, it seemed that way. She could still be pretty unpredictable, lol.

 

[Dauntless]

Hmmm, you have such meandering thoughts on this HEB woman, I think it's more about boredom than anything you've actually seen, I think you're imaging much of this.

So when I was in college I might have guessed I'd have been marrying my girlfriend once I graduated. Except I didn't have a steady girlfriend in college. My last semester there was quite the roller coaster I was riding with all sorts of women but it wasn't translating into a steady girlfriend. One would even end up trying to kill me a few times. Dang, here I could picture me having married her at the time. Believe me, I realize that I'm the one that got away on that one, I need to play keep away.

Ah, but here's a good story. During my Tuesday morning journey I obviously had much time to think during my travels. I envisioned maybe this or that one of these local waitresses from downtown driving up and offering me a ride. An innocuous thing, except have you ever danced with some girl somewhere and suddenly she's like 'Hey, we're ENGAGED' or something? It's a shame to have to treat someone trying to do you a favor as an extortion plot, but I've had such trouble with women.

So here was this girl. I sort of knew her as a kid even if she wasn't from my school or my neighborhood. She'd grown up to be what I call a 'Townie.' Basically someone who's just sort of going to always be there, around town. Not doing anything to actually make a life for herself, has her little waitress job and lives with her parents while she waits for a husband. She seems to rate her husband prospects by the sound of the cash register going off in her head.

I was just out of coBut she obviously needed someone to hang out with, that's what she did best, I was elected. llege, which I'd worked my way through and was working the dead end jobs that got me through along with a little beginning television freelancing. After a job interview I walked down to a place near the house, don't remember if she worked there and it was slow or she just happened to show up. And I got to telling her about the job interview.

So this was someone who may or may not have graduated from high school, college was just more school, etc. Make no mistake, her brother putting so much work into becoming a punch operator was a damn sight ahead of her, who had no real thought of tomorrow beyond she needed a husband who was at least like her brother. But she'd never much cared to spend much time around guys who were like her brother, let alone me. But she seemed to need someone to hang out with because that's what she did best - Even if that meant that she had to listen to me talk about some silly job interview.

So at the time I was still naive enough to think she was actually fascinated at the thought of actually going and talking to someone about some great entry level job one could actually get. (I didn't.) A whole new world she couldn't experience. But I'd quickly come to realize that she considered herself to be humoring me while I was making such a big deal about some silly interview that could make or break my life for the next few years. Probably only one company party a year and that a dreary one.

Two different people, two different worlds, right? And a third world was about to join us, as in walked two additional townies. We'd known them growing up, one was her former boyfriend. Who was always trying to do something about that word, 'Former.' Here he was all excited, carrying what was left of a bike that you might find in the storm drain if you walked through it. Which was what they'd spent the day doing. It started at our little flood control dam, he said he'd walked all the way to the other end, which I'd take to mean the LA river some 15 miles or more, I just don't think this guy had put that much effort into it. But I wouldn't have expected him to go to the trouble of carrying that bike very far, either.

He was what you call a 'NEET.' No Employment, Education, or Training. But he had an old junk bike that he was going to fix up. And he was greatly concerned that she wasn't showing the same enthusiasm for it that he was, here he was going to fix it up. I reminded him of how I'd started rebuilding junk bikes in grade school and selling them in bike shops. The last time I'd been maybe 15. He was my age, but would he ever make it to 15?

And I was thinking right then she was starting to consider the significance of one of us going to a job interview that day and the other going to the storm drain. On the outside she looked just like people expect a cheerleader to look. On the inside, yeah, much like what people thought of cheerleaders. Which is unfair to most cheerleaders, but not her. Back in high school I had the beautiful blonde cheerleader after me, terrifying as that was. She was one of the meanest girls on campus, which was why such a good looking woman was in such desperate straights to have a boyfriend that she targeted me. Of course it would never be one of the NICE, intelligent good looking cheerleaders after me, it would be one that lived down to our expectations. I kept trying to point out to her there was NOTHING kewl about me, I was the backgammon club champion two years running, I even had a journalism award. But she'd just keep growling at the others to get away because she wanted to flirt, while I was begging, "Don't leave me to THAT!"

Ah well, this girl wasn't THAT bad. But she wasn't all that much better, either. And there started to be a shift in her behavior. She'd ask about my house, as well as other cash register items. And she started that flirty behavior she's trying to make up HER mind but I'm supposed to be all for it if that's what she decides. So here I'm starting to make the same sort of cosmic shift away from her as I did from the cheerleader in high school. Which didn't sit too well with her, afterall SHE was the one that was supposed to decide.

So one day I was driving in this fairly heavy rain while this woman was walking in it. She had that really feeling sorry for herself slow walk, probably crying. Oh, guess who. She seemed stunned as I pulled up, here she was actually being rescued after running out of gas. I pointed out how most people wait a little bit for it to let up before they start walking. And it all had the effect of no good deed goes unpunished. You know how a woman starts to act like a guy's car is the batmobile, his home is the batcave? And now that you gave her a ride in the rain when she ran out of gas, you're engaged, right?

So that got dredged up today as I was walking. Early in the day, anyone I know nearby is at work, looks like I just have to deal with this on my own. Except there's a few of these townie sort of nighttime waitresses downtown that have started asking all the requiste questions about my house, what kind of car I drive, all the cash register questions of the woman doing a credit check as she looks for a husband. I could just imagine what familiar face would be free in the morning to come pulling up, offering me a ride. Getting the chance to actually see my house. Maybe even wanting to go in and take an inventory while we're there.

I hate to be too hard on them. Maybe it's because I didn't know them as flakey adolescents I think of them as basically okay, if not exactly right for me. Or maybe that's only because I don't know them well at all. I just have a bad feeling about getting in the car with someone who seems so ready to act out in a big way over some ulterior motive.

I can only dream of the whole love at first sight thing you're kidding yourself over. Hell, it's out of reach to just be taking her to see a movie, you know, no big deal just yet. Nah, if she just wanted to have fun she'll do that with the kind of guy who walks through storm drains. With me it'll be strictly business, as in how long until she gets her name on the title to the house?

 

[swbluto]

Love at first site, lol. I did not think anything of her when I first saw her. It was the way she sounded and acted and my liking for her crescendoed throughout the conversation, seeing her get mad was really the straw that broke the camel's back (Maybe it was because, at that exact moment, she looked and acted just like my mom, lol. Guys tend to pursue girls who look like their mom, scientific articles on this affect.).

This does put some interesting insight into freudian concept of "Getting back to the womb", when the chosen beau happens to be just like ones mom.

Anyway, as to lack of credit checks, I can guess it's because... hell if I know. I think of the prisoners who's f'ing the maidens, and they are clearly not passing any significant credit checks, and I think it has something to do with that; not the fact they're prisoners per se, but they act on impulse, headstrong and go after what they want, even if it happens to be illegal. This appeals to the girls, I think, especially when they aggressively go after whom they want. I think "thinking you deserve them" is a part of that; Appeal to status. I'd guess that a disproportionate number of prisoners have a huge sense of entitlement. Girls aren't necessarily attracted to some guy manipulating her with gifts and trying to 'politely' conceal his intentions, even though the girl might be very well aware of them. But, yes, a girl will look for a guy with resources if she's seeking provisioning for herself and/or possible offspring. And, not necessarily with benefits, especially if she already has another man she's not letting you know about. I just recently read about that cuckolding story, a supervisor being used for his place while getting f'd by her prisoner boyfriend in his bed. Cologne smell was the tip off.

Anyway, yes, I'm a little bored and during these times I have 1) Youtube 2) Recounting memorable conversations past, lol.

Anyway, on this topic of thinking you deserve them...

[youtube]HpyZEzrDf4c[/youtube]

Anyway, no, I would not normally recommend escalating as quickly as I did. I would definitely make your interest known as soon as you could, but not necessarily that intimately that fast. But, it was the fact I likely wasn't going to see her again, so what did I have to lose. [Well... I guess it wasn't that precisely at that moment. She was available, and this may have been my last opportunity. I did not have the insight she was a ho at the time, lol. I still don't think she was... but... she was flirting/affectionately speaking to all 2 other people I saw and based on my experience, she obviously was very skilled as if she's had much practice, so the evidence is strong.]

[youtube]mdB3Oyd5HtU[/youtube]

She wants to touch me (whoa),
She wants to love me (whoa),
She'll never leave me (whoa, whoa, oh, oh),

Don't trust a ho,
Never trust a ho,
'Cause a hoe won't trust me

Lol, I don't want to assume too much, yeah, there seems to be parallels.

 

[swbluto]

Just had some cocoa and now my memories are becoming clearer. Anyhoo, yeah, her facial expression... definitely some kind of rapture/breath-taken-away feeling. Her breathing became visibly short and shallow. The baby imitations were done under ... I don't want to call it duress... but it took her a lot of strength to say anything, clearly petrified, not due to fear per se... but... something else, lol. Shocked by the euphoria of the moment. I guess my previous descriptions are based on some kind of agitation coming from somewhere, likely because I didn't have my cocoa, lol (LIkely because it's HOT in here in the middle of the afternoon, lol). This morning, I woke up to some chest burning sensation which I suspect might've been cardiac, I don't know. It was unusual how quickly I fell back asleep compared to other times I've woken this early. So, I do suspect some kind of heart failure. I guess it is possibly that acid reflux could be responsible for these 4-5 a.m. chest happenings, but... that one time... it was so extreme... it was so hard to believe it was acid reflux despite the nature of it suggesting it was. But, yeah, it could've been. I can only be hopeful. I think back to that guy talking about these "certain people" dying due to heart problems usually by age of 32, and it struck me really odd like he somehow really just knew this. I wasn't convinced I was in this demographic, but it was an intense realization seeing how unusually certain that this was true as if he's had a lot of clinical experience and insight here to know something that almost everyone doesn't. And there's that thought in the back of my mind, "he's talking about /my kind/", lol. And, I'm thinking of the timings of these persistent chest phenomenon is pretty much on schedule, lol.

So, actually, the whole situation was actually a lot more positive than I've suggested. And I knew it at the time... lol. Though, maybe not consciously because she was still taken aback with space between us. But, I instinctually knew what she was feeling... I think... Well... /I/ wasn't feeling the exhiliration, but she clearly was, at least in hindsight. But I did feel a muted form of it, a positive reciprocated warmth, in contrast to the earlier defensive feeling.

No regrets. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

There was actually another time when this happened. It was the asian girl... I stared her right in the eyes and scolded her because I was feeling mad, and she told me I shouldn't be doing that because she was breathing heavy, wafting her hand in front of her forehead... and after probing... she told me thought it was really hot and started incessantly giggling, lol. She wasn't petrified in rapture, lol, I think there was enough rapport between us.

Anyway, can't find any link between shallow breathing and exhilration on google. Only a possible link through narcotic abuse: "Can cause shallow breathing and euphoria"(among other symptoms, lol)

Then I'm finding pages suggesting that shallow breathing serves to cut off oneself from ones emotions, because of anxiety. So, I can't google confirm this phenomenon that I'm positing, lol. Perhaps she was just simply shocked. I want to believe she was feeling exhiliration because it looked like it, lol. (But I'm open to the idea I'm misreading it, as much as I feel strongly to the contrary, lol.)

http://blog.neu.com/2011/10/31/physiological-responses-to-lust-how-a-body-responds-to-desire/

Once this natural brain rave is going on throughout your body, your breathing might quicken. You can also identify this quality in someone you think might be attracted to you. As long as you’re not running a marathon, this is a pretty accurate sign. Keep in mind, though, that not everyone is super obviously about their shorter breaths, so don’t get too discouraged if you don’t see the cues.

There we go, shorter breaths.

This chemical craziness doesn’t stop there. Dopamine, one of the major players in creating infatuation, is partly responsible for making you feel like you can’t breathe. Because that’s what you need — the panic of having quicker breaths, a faster heart rate, and sweat dripping out of every pore.

The overlap here with panic and anxiety symptoms is notable. She definitely was acting very anxious immediately afterwards. This was in stark contrast to her earlier self-assuredness and bombasticness, and it somewhat surprised me how quickly it had completely inverted. In an instant, her world was shattered, lol. Just kidding, she sprung back pretty quickly.

 

[swbluto]

Anyway, started chainsawing the downed trees into logs. I'm trying to get them long enough to eventually build a structure with them, lol.

 

[Brentis]

How old are you? Have you ever kissed a girl?
Your obsession is bordering on scary.
Go chop some trees or jerk off already!
Get this chick out your skull, get back to the land. :wink:

 

[Brentis]

Anyway, started chainsawing the downed trees into logs. I'm trying to get them long enough to eventually build a structure with them, lol.

That'a boy!

 

[swbluto]

[youtube]AuUqpZgHiEE[/youtube]

Keep smoking your weed, dillboy.

I don't need to explain anything to you. My opportunities are really limited out there in the middle of nowhere, so the rare event of some excitement if going to be in the front of my mind, OK. Jeez, stopped reading my journal right now. You're hurting my feelings, lol.

There will be a day where I will have a strong form of income, a house, a car, a pug, a swimming pool and a strong penchant for going to discotheques and creating exciting memories on a regular basis, lol, but that's not /right/ now, okay.

Anyhow, I'm not attached to this girl, just the situation itself. In my way-too-freaking-hot-in-the-middle-of-the-day-to-do-anything-boredom, I'm reliving the glory days, lol. There was one day where I told myself "Hey, if I go 12 miles that way, there is a good chance I would find her working." Did I? No, she's not that important. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have minded it, but I wasn't really feeling motivated. Not because I was scared or anything, but because... I didn't have a strong reason to go. Even now, with my 20/20 hindsight of what happened, and my current persisting (though slowly fading) stimulatory bonus , just am not feeling motivated. But... if we all lived in a little village, you bet I'd would just walk right over to her place and say hi. One of the things I miss about the late 1800s - small concentrated towns. Granted, 90% of the population lived on farms... far away from lots of people, lol, but that's what church was for.
lik
Anyway, the most recent interpretation of the event is a vastly more accurate improvement over earlier errant interpretations. And, it's important to know by acting on instinct, I was doing it right. It's good to trust my instincts, yes.

Her reaction was different from the others... okay... it took time for me to confirm what exactly she was feeling, yes. Not just "It felt like it", but proof. Because... I couldn't really easily read her reaction. There was a feeling, but the subtle things like shortened breathing and acting like one was in shock... needed some investigation. Because as far as I knew at the time, she could have been really scared.

Taking a step back, quickened breathing, speechless... yeah, definitely scared symptoms, lol. Very good to differentiate from infatuation.

It was hard to see the pupils at that distance, but I'd guess they were constricted.

http://www.study-body-language.com/eye-pupil.html#sthash.b1QNXjZ4.dpbs

The opposite is also true, constricted eye pupils show resentment, defiance and general disliking. We also like them less.

Disliking some scary thing is a possibility and intuitively possible given the situation. But the reaction to the withdrawal, which I didn't have foresight of, doesn't suggest that.

I'm trying to figure out if there was a key indicator that would distinguish the two possibilities.

I get the sense that pupils rarely constrict in the presence of something scary, and there wasn't the cringe you'd see with terror. So it wasn't a simple scared face. Ruling out a scared face is really the only way I can confirm the alternative, as the alternative doesn't seem to have any key identifying features.

Assuming one was shocked with terror. would making baby imitations be a rational response? It doesn't seem fitting.

Does baby imitations sufficiently confirm the alternative (infatuation)?

Anyway, yes, it was a hard reaction to read standing on its own. Baby imitations was the only non-nonverbal context clue.

http://jezebel.com/new-study-shows-no-one-likes-a-person-whos-too-hard-to-1726209095

Overall, the suppressors were judged to be less extroverted, less agreeable, and more “avoidant in close relationships” — more distant, basically — than the non-suppressors. Suppressing also had a “large effect,” as the researchers put it, on the participants’ desire to affiliate with suppressors as compared to non-suppressors — they found them much less likable.

Distant hard-to-read people are less likable, mhmm.

The pulling away and looking down in doing so does suggest disappointment. (Google recommends "Looking down in disappointment")

The question is if that disappointment really had staying power. I'm thinking there's a strong possibility the disappointment melted away. But, it's also possible I'm misreading what was ultimately a signal of disapproval. Short shallow breathing... though... I can't seem to fit that in any known disapproval responses. So, I think there's a pretty strong likelihood the initial disapproval dropped away, but maybe it didn't.

I think in that situation, she didn't really have much depth in her emotions, they changed on the dime and she folded like a poker hand to the strength of mine.

I mean, I could have veered away like a scared little boy when she disapproved; but that's what a weak man does. Seeks her approval. She may have been testing me, little did I know. I didn't not veer away because I knowingly was demonstrating a lack of concern for her approval... but, yeah, that definitely was there as part of my person. I didn't care what she or anyone else thought about my advance, and I think she could see this fearlessness, and surrendered accordingly. Just god dang why was she so hard to read, lol.

[I half think I did not veer away upon the signal of disapproval because... I didn't read it at the time. But, I did read it actually... it came across like a feeling of defensiveness, even if I didn't read the disappointment downward head nod clue explicitly. I too also didn't care about this defensive feeling, but if the defensiveness was ongoing, I likely would have adjusted, lol. But, it wasn't, it was gone within a couple seconds.]

I half think maybe I have more trouble reading nonverbal signals than online tests suggest, lol. It's interesting it took a google search to figure out what that temporary downward headnod meant, and upon seeing "disappointment", I knew immediately that's what it was.

I think that's the difference between the online tests and real life. Reality is dynamic, it changes with time. The online tests are static, showing a single image. And, also, the online tests provide a set of choices to compare and contrast; reality requires recall. There's nothing that couldn't stop an online test from showing animated gifs to get "real life" dynamic nonverbal behavior, but... they just don't. Anyway, I thought I was actually normally pretty good at reading people when the tests suggested it, even if indirect yet significant clues here and there suggested possibly not. I eventually figured I was being undeservedly hard on myself... but maybe not, lol.

I think back to my WMS memory results; it was an interesting score profile, above average to excellent in all categories except one; spatial recall. Spatial recall is a test of spatial memory, which has roots in the hippocampus, which is also widely considered the seat of emotion. The link between this and recall of nonverbal clues in real life situations seems plausible, especially with its hippocampal/emotions associations. Anyway, I don't want to jump to conclusions, but it could explain some nagging suspicions that the possibly useless online tests have yet to dispel.

It's interesting to think those "memory" games in childhood (Tests of spatial recall) could predict nonverbal reading abilities. I was lousy at those games compared to my sister, even if I did better than her at pretty much everything else, lol.

 

[swbluto]

Woohoo! Groceries are paid for as of Wednesday, only 2 days into the sales week. Now just hoping for some much better profits than last week, lol.

Okay, turned one of the huge pine trees into logs, now I just need to roll them. I want to create a tower with these logs, so I can climb up it for exercise.

My 16 inch chainsaw has no problems cutting through the 20" pine with my 1400w champion generator. Just took a little patience at the reduced power compared to the 2000w honda.

 

[swbluto]

Anyway, I remember that back in nuke school. Just walking along and saw this pretty lady walking between 4 different guys. That guy looked like he felt exactly like I felt that particular day, and I walked by his little group (I wasn't getting off the sidewalk for those scumbags), and he feigned a lunge toward my direction, lol. Didn't really scare me other than the flitting visceral response, but I would have been SO HAPPY if he did, because he would been expelled immediately and lost his income. But, I know we were both smarter than that. Anyway, that girl walked along like she was a captive prisoner or something. The face she had: looked like she had endured some abuse or something. It did pique my curiousity what these guys were intending since she didn't look like a fellow sailor (Too pretty for nuke school, lol.) and her face looked like someone being used and abused. It's not permitted for opposite sex members to be in the same dorm room, and these guys were walking to the dorms, and she obviously did not have a room because she wasn't a sailor.

I can't say I might be assuming too much, but I was getting a pretty good idea of what might have been going on.

Multiple people had been expelled at the time for things exactly like that.

A very widely publicized public captain's mast, with all of the guilty girls and guys standing on the stage. It was funny; all the girls were kicked out immediately, all the guys had stayed in the navy. Sexist? Yes, probably. The sexism wasn't very disguised in that environment, lots of butthurt betas.

Granted, some might argue the navy is a glorified patriarchy. And its embraced institutions and overall culture definitely suggest that, lol.

 

[swbluto]

Anyway, that girl.

What words might we use.

Flirt
Temptress
Ho
Whore
Or, just a regular girl who I just happened to be attracted to.

I'm thinking somewhere in the neighborhood of flirt/temptress, but it's possible she was just a regular girl. She /came across/ like a normal upbeat and fun girl in conversation at least to me, but man, she was definitely laying down the flirt/affection to all the other guys I saw. She may have done so in my case, too, except I didn't really notice it, but somehow she left me spellbound by the end of it so I'm thinking it happened. I think it was sexiness/wiles in her utterances (subtle moans immediately preceding her turning around, showing me her backside), tone of voice (Sexy voice), mannerisms and overall behavior (She could read my interest based on the way I was speaking, and acted accordingly to raise it up a notch.), so I think there was a pretty strong possibility she was a temptress.

Granted, perhaps it was I who brought the temptress inside her out. She would flirt with the other guys, but she was acting like she was getting ready for rolling around in the hay in my case.

But, man, she looked just like my mom. That just seems too coincidental. And, as far I know, my mom is no temptress.

 

[swbluto]

https://www.yahoo.com/news/m/9ca2da0c-ff9e-3112-8ac2-a95dfaf7354e/ss_this-is-why-millennials-are.html

This research carries weight. Millennials spend far more on food than older generations. Indeed, they drop an average of $797 per month on groceries, compared to $724 for those 37 and older, according to data released Thursday by Bankrate.

And here I am spending $200/month. And I definitely don't feel like I'm going hungry. 100% organic where possible. (They don't sell organic canned peas, lol.)

Anyway, can't wait to get the back cleared, the existing tree stumps are flourishing with leaves like no other in the direct sunlight, telling me that this soil and climate will likely make for a great garden. Will continue clearing the back in about 8 minutes (Slicing the trees into logs, moving them into the log pile).

I'm excited about growing my own garden because then I won't be forced to pay organic prices for foods I'm not currently buying. Organic spinach is f'ing expensive, and something like that would grow like gangbusters here. And, I won't have to worry about refrigeration, just pick up directly fresh from the garden. (I will have to eventually can to tide me over the winter)

I'm thinking about getting a bunny. I just realized they pack the cuteness/lovability of a pug without the sticker shock and foodbill. I think that might be why she bought a bunny, it's cheaper than a dog.

Anyway, current indications are suggesting an ongoing sales slump, but I really won't be able to tell until the monday after next as far as the longterm. I'll expand (I'm still refining the plans of the details in expansion. I'm thinking about "going big", in a way.) to maximize my reach, but I think I'll be pursuing in-field work here and, if need be, get a local fulltime job. I want to get a second vehicle as quickly as possible to assure job/food/water travel reliability, because I've experienced and see the affects of not having a vehicle; you're at mercy of the immediate economy, and there's not much money flowing in the immediate area and there's no produce and no dispensed water. There's a couple of older guys at the mercy of not having a vehicle, their lifestyle doesn't look pretty (Definitely doesn't seem exciting).

Update: The backyard is starting to shape up. Just moving logs now, heavy suckers. I think the process of entirely clearing the fallen trees from the back and piling them to the side will likely take about 5 evenings. I discovered the holes in the fallen pine trees is definitely termite damage; saw a large juicy plump white one wriggling its way inside, ewww. So, yes, this area definitely has termites and they attack pine no problems - what most lumber is made of.

Earlier today, an older female noticed my posture, and she felt compelled to ask if I was terry, lol. I wanted to ask "What made you think I was terry?", lol, but she likely wouldn't have told me the real reason; most of the nonverbal stuff operates under the surface of our consciousness. Anyhoo, I'd say my feeling was "felt comfortable with myself". Singing Cyrus's "Wrecking Ball" to the top of my lungs driving along, lol. I guess maybe I've been feeling sexy, lately. Practicing the come hither look, realizing I can't quite capture it while looking at myself in the mirror. Something about my eyes look odd, I can't really put my finger on it. I think maybe it just looks that way when I'm looking at myself, lol.

And reading those few sentences, I just want to play this song. Heard it recently, lol.

[youtube]j13oJajXx0M[/youtube]

I remember Skylar Cullitan's journal. I think he ended a few of his entries with "Please love me." or something.

I wonder if he felt unloved? He was purportedly fairly popular, but was he lacking genuine female affection? That's the only plausible /major/ driver of male suicide I can think of. There are other possibilities, but I think those tend to be derivative of that primary one. "Lack of money"; It doesn't take a genius to figure out money drives male self-regard, and lack of female attention, since kissing is symbolic of resource sharing, something that's hard to do when you don't have it! And, the average spokanite millenial during the great recession didn't exactly have much money and WOW, those birth rates were DOWN! lol. Okay, just bringing out the real reasons that drive relationship stuff because it'd be stupid to ignore historical context.

I didn't really have a problem with girls hitting on me back then. Still don't, lol. When I actually go after a girl,wow, they fold fast. I would like to believe it's "all my training", but... I don't know... I think I just have the gift, it comes naturally. I don't know how much my historical transgender preferences has to do with this; like... maybe I'm secretly a girl in a guy's body, and that's why they come so easy to me. We're just all on the same page, lol. (Some girl once told me, "Oh sorry, I thought were a girl", lol. really? No, unlike a competing male, I don't think she was trying to insult me, she literally thought like I talked like a girl.)

Anyway, a duo of dogs (they were trailing each other closely and one was periodically humping the othe r; they looked like they were in love.) took residence in the nearby cleared property, and he heard me make a noise on my property and started barking at me. Woah, baby, I'm not going to have some dog claiming my neighbor's property as his territory and start barking at me for me working in my backyard, lol, so yeah, I got my implements and went up to them and started making some noise. They didn't look deterred at first, but I kicked up the psycho factor, and they were like "Aww crap" and left. Good, jeez...

I'm thinking this "couple" was declaring this particular property as their own. Like, the place they were to going to live and raise their den or something. I think that's why they weren't so easily deterred the first time I started making noise - it belonged to /their future family/. If it was just a random duo of dogs, they would've amscrayed so easily, but because it was a couple declaring a homestead for their future family... oh ho... they weren't so easily deterred.

I'm thinking that's all I really need to raise a family, just like the dogs, just a piece of land all my own. Just like the dogs, I don't need a house. I just need territory that I defend and protect the girl and her children. I know,I know, even indians had teepees, lol. Why are human expectations so much higher than a dog's? lol

Seems so simple and endearing.

Yeah, I've been typing under the influence lately. The sugar in the wine was tasting pretty darn good after today's tree log moving working out, so I emptied the bottle, lol. At least I think it was the sugar that was tasting delicious - maybe it was the grapy essence.

 

[Dauntless]

-
Seems so simple and endearing.

That's how fantasies are. If you DON'T give them your house, they'll take it in the divorce. I remember Mom came from that generation that used to cook just like the cartoon says. Wonder if there are still any today. I'm trying to remember the last time a guy told me his wife really was a homemaker.

 

[swbluto]

That is definitely a west coast issue, where real estate tends to be "out of reach" and places like California in particular, where white males have long been a minority and emasculated to a large extreme, especially with the closing pay gap and the matching of political power. Especially in California, I think there's strong white male antagonism.

As to cooking, I thought about it and I came up with: The convenience and availability of no-cook options are too common. I think back in the day, when people literally had to go buy beef and produce and what not, the food had to be prepared and cooked for consumption. But, with the widely available fastfood and packaged foods in modern culture, you can get away with not cooking if you want to, and girls are not much different than guys: they'll take the easiest route available. You can call it lazy, but I think it's more like they have "easy" options now they didn't have before.

I personally am for cooking simply because I find most of those 'easy options' unacceptable. They violate one or multiple of my "no gos"

-Refined and fried oils
-galactose-alpha 1,3-galactose (Mammal meat and unfermented dairy, with the exception of primates as they don't have this particular sugar. But, primates tend to be unavailable grocery options in America, lol.)
-Gliadin (Gluten)
-Yeast
-Refined carbs, refined starches and sugar in particular

I don't know the likely contribution of each of those to disease, and it may very well be small in comparison to other non-dietary factors, especially in edge cases, but I think it's good practice to avoid known inflammatory triggers.

I haven't been cooking for sometime, normally because i didn't have spare generator capacity available, but now because 1) Lacking kitchen space 2) Bananas have become too well-established and well-accepted as meal options, lol.

 

[swbluto]

http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2004/dec/11/skyler-cullitan-remembered-as-caring-outgoing/

Hmmm... yes, I get the feeling he felt unloved, and his crazy stunts were essentially him in desperate search for it. I guess, more than likely, he viscerally didn't feel accepted.

Anyway, I took a shower today. I was feeling itchy all over, so I put on the shorts and lathered up. The mosquito population seems to be down for right now and early morning is a great time to do it because the flying insect population isn't active like midday. But, you have to watch for the ants; man, they seem to like my soap, lol.

I don't feel itchy anymore, except for in the middle of my back, the part that was hard to reach, lol.

[youtube]ZA3tDCLYtIU[/youtube]

Just watching this is making me feel strongly motivated to beat "them", my peers. That's not happening at the moment and this needs to be corrected, lol. It's not necessarily my peers that are motivating me, but the antagonism with my bootcamp superiors. I need to prove I'm better than them. (Actually, not really all my bootcamp superiors, the white guys were pretty chill; but the black guy was a complete ahole. Granted, perhaps my inability to hide the contempt on my face for that piece of crap had something to do with it, lol. And replying with the answer I knew they didn't want to hear, lol. It's not that I was being false in doing so, I was just purposely not hiding my opinions on whatever topic was at hand. And, I was just being honest with them. "Why are your hands in your pocket?!", "Because it's comfortable.", "You really think bootcamp is meant for your comfort! Hit the deck and give me 20!" lol. 1,2,3, ONE 1,2,3 TWO, 1,2,3, THREE.)

Those were the days. I think they took affront to my upsetting them with my honesty.

 

[swbluto]

Okay, I see I'm working against an upper current here, the platform is doing a disservice reducing overall demand for price-sensitive markets like mine. I don't know if this explains the recent reduction in demand, but it could easily be a pretty big factor (Seems like sales volume has dropped to a third of what it was.). So, I guess I don't really need sales data at this point, finding local work is definite. And, I'll be expanding off-platform as much as possible, to maximize demand there. At least I can control how things are displayed there, even if the exposure is less. I imagine the platform will revert back to normal eventually (I'm sure it's a test), but I'm not going to depend on it. They might not really care about the impact it might have on price-sensitive markets if other markets make up the bulk of their orders. And, further expansion on that particular platform should be in not-so-price-sensitive markets.

Non-price sensitive markets would be markets where the order value is at least $15. You don't want to go too much above $20-30 since it's a significant psychological spending threshold, unless you're just trying for the homerun markets with some kind of really impressive/desirable product.

So, fencing in the property is now moving up the priority list, even if the funds I'm working with might be somewhat limited. Meaning, the RV gets moved on the property tomorrow, and all efforts go directly into the fence in the days immediately after. Now being aware of the factors working against me, I need to move fast.

This would be easier if I didn't just drop $300 on a replacement generator. Dropping $150 on t-posts wouldn't seem as significant.

Seems like there is a LARGE petition going on the platform right now, people who've noticed the exact affect I have: decreasing sales. Surely if it's a widespread affect, they'll reverse policy? Whatever, I'm learning to not depend on any one platform. It's just that there's not too many viable choices as far as platforms go, so I guess I'm just learning to not depend on the internet. Too much power is concentrated into the hands of a few sites. It's too bad antitrust legislation can't be used here, because even though clients can hypothetically go where they want, the polarizing nature of the internet makes it have a very similar affect. ("I shop for things here, I search for things on there"; the collective effect thereof making a handful of sites too powerful in their particular domain.)

And here I was hoping that it was just a shortterm blip I had to ride out, lol.

I really like the idea of being independent and wealthy, though. Setting the rules and making good money just makes me feel like a king, lol, and it's a good feeling. Making good money under the threat of your boss/coworkers just isn't as enjoyable. I have a feeling that had something to do with our interaction at the time, I literally felt like a king.