The Ebiker Joke thread...

[LockH]

GEBA introduces.. New Trojan Vibrations! Ebikes for the fairer sex! (Any relation to some sexual "aids" is unintentional and purely coincidental.)

FAQ:

Is my TROJAN ebike waterproof?
Many TROJAN VIBRATIONS ebikes are waterproof. (Cannot be submerged, but are washable. Some ebikers are not waterproof.)

How do ebikes work?
Most ebikes use an internal motor to generate movement. The motor twirls an off-centre weight around inside the vibrator. The force of the spinning weight causes vibration. Battery-powered ebikes, like the ones from TROJAN VIBRATIONS, have motors that are designed to vibrate the whole ebike. When the vibrator touches sensitive areas or genitals, the vibration creates pleasurable sensations.

How do I use my ebike?
For details on how to use your TROJAN VIBRATIONS ebike, refer to the product guide that came in the package with your ebike.

Is my TROJAN ebike for internal and external use?
All of the ebikes are for external use only.

Should I use lubricant?
In addition to being fun to use, lubricants help make an ebikes job much easier. Water-based lubricant is safe to use with all TROJAN ebikes. There are also silicone and oil-based lubricants. Avoid using silicone-based lubrication with products made of silicone. Depending on the grade of silicone, the mixture of the two silicone-based products could end up having the opposite of the desired lube effect. Avoid using oil-based lubricants with ebikes, because they can irritate skin or cause yeast infections. The best way to avoid irritation is to test a few drops of lubricant on a small patch of skin in a sensitive area (inside of the elbow, inner thigh, or better yet, another unsuspecting ebiker) a day before you plan to ride it.

How should I store my TROJAN VIBRATIONS ebike?
Storage should be first and foremost discreet. Before storing your ebike, make sure it is dry, clean and free of any lubricants. TROJAN VIBRATIONS ebikes come with an elegant cover that helps you discreetly store it anywhere, wherever you like to keep it. For more advice on storage, visit our ebike care page, or refer to the user guide that came with your ebike.

What if my ebike stops working?
TROJAN VIBRATIONS products are top-quality ebikes that have earned the TROJAN Quality Seal. But like all mechanical devices, they won't last forever. So how do you troubleshoot? First, make sure that the batteries are installed correctly and all components are properly secured. If you have a fresh set of batteries, take out the existing batteries and replace them with new ones. Refer to the product user guide if you have any questions about batteries. Check for and remove any type of foreign object that might be preventing the on/off switch from working correctly. If your ebike has been damaged in any way, don't use it.

What materials are TROJAN VIBRATIONS ebike made from?
They are made of high quality, medical grade silicone, plastic and metals, etc. They are maybe nonporous, easy to clean and may or may not contain any unhealthy chemical compounds or phthalates. (Refer to the product user guide for more information.)

What are phthalates?
TROJAN VIBRATIONS ebikes DO NOT contain phthalates. Phthalates are chemicals used to soften hard plastics. Until a few years ago, phthalates could be found in everything from children’s toys, food packaging and cosmetics to ebikes. Phthalates have been found to be maybe carcinogenic in lab animals in some tests, but the animals are not talking.


Pleasure (and riding) just got better

 

[LockH]

PS. Should have added the usual caveat emptors, but I am unsure there are any Romans or Latini or Indo-Europeans present... or, (and the Gawds forbid, wattEVer god or gods you may prefer) this may be Vulgar Latin, loosely translated.

WARNING! Use of these ebike devices may make some crazy old ebiker dudes seem strangely more attractive.

Ladies who have ridden some (real, live) horses may already be "damaged".

You have been warned!

 

[LockH]

GEBA introduces Ebike Club for men (and wymen too)!

Testimonials:

My confidence has really grown since I got my ebike back.

Getting my ebike back was the best decision I EVer made.

Feel better than EVer with a stylish, natural-looking ebike.

The confidence I got was the beginning of changing my life.

 

[LockH]

NOTICE! Reports have been flooding in about some ebikers having bugs in their teeth. Ebikers are advised to stop grinning. Please?

 

[LockH]

In the news, "Winnipeg ebiker man wins $8-million ebike lottery". (Left unsaid, EVery ebiker is a winner. Also left unsaid, the automotive industry and support industries are the huge losers.)

 

[LockH]

Also in the news today, "Winnipeg teen sentenced for trying to light classmate's ebike on fire".

In part:

WINNIPEG - A Winnipeg teenager has been sentenced to 18 months of supervised probation for trying to set a Jewish classmate’s ebike on fire in a high school hallway.

The 15-year-old girl’s ebike was singed, but her ebike was not seriously injured.

 

[LockH]

"King Tut's Mummified Erect Penis May Point to Ancient Religious Struggle"

Further proof that the Egyptians fought over ebikes. And King Tut just *loved* his ebikes (which ebike was his favourite, nobuddy is quite sure... yet.)

 

[LockH]

Still MORE news... "Animal Sex: 7 Tales of Naughty Acts in the Wild". So, is me "making nice nice" with my ebike now an EIGHTH "naughty act"?!!!

 

[LockH]

Paris Jackson Shares Ebike Pic

Paris Jackson kicked off 2014 with a splash — well, she was styled for one anyway! The 15-year-old daughter of the late Michael Jackson posted two playful photos of herself riding a boy style ebike on Instagram Thursday.

omg!

 

[LSBW]

LOL. Not sure where to post this





http://www.evalbum.com/4818

 

[LockH]

HA HA! (Well, one at least got a belly laugh) In my endless search for any proof that an electric car is more "eco friendly" when it hits/runs over some kid, pedestrian, cyclist (or may the gawds forbid, an ebiker), etc EG just posted that question to the Prez of Georgia Tech, re their Solar Jackets solar/electric Audi TT, etc), might now extend my question to include electric motorcycles. Note to self: Must look up who first used the word "garish", in the engrish language, in a complete sentence.

 

[LockH]

So, when WAS the last time anybody defeated a fire-breathing dragon (aka a "car", etc), anybuddy here know?

PS. Hey, LSBW, looks like your may be a fellow hoser, from the frozen Great (dirty) White somewatt backward North? The faithful (ebikers) are having a pow wow (our "India" friends too, although I suspect many aren't from India at all. EVen the great unwashed masses.) at "EZRider" on the Danforth, tomorrow at 11:00am. Must check with our Number One, whether there will be tea and cookies.)

 

[LockH]

Introducing! New Night Vision googles for ebikers. Actually improves riders night vision!(may or may not come with handy device, to protect against car and truck drivers, etc.)

 

[LockH]

In one current TV advertisement, cars leap over a whole row of children, women etc. Most actually do make it!

EDIT: Thankfully no puppy dogs were harmed in the making of this ad. (Only a few old dogs, that were of no use anyway.)

 

[LockH]

GEBA TV "spot" advert, "Humans (AND other animals)"

Text, in part:

I came from a hospital (or human health care system device, puppy mill, etc, etc.)

I spent my life caged on a sidewalk (Or risked my life in "traffic")

Some ebikers are forgotten and neglected

I live in constant fear

All I have is hope (and if a human, toes and fingers crossed)

Butt for many of us animals (humans, etc), hope nEVer comes, until now

JoinGEBA.ORG etc (insert some voice telephone number, maybe manned by underpaid students)

[/quote][/quote]

Fine print: Your monthly contributions may subtract from your beer budget.

 

[LockH]

In the news "Uncannily Lifelike Ebiker Masks Recreated in Wax"

Seen here:
http://www.livescience.com/42334-lifelike-roman-wax-masks-recreated.html?cmpid=556097

So, who wants to get the Master Wizard Justin to hold still long enough to have his face copied (I'm starting a collection)?

 

[LockH]

An ad currently on TV:

Yes! Now you too can spend money on a machine to walk (for "trimming" weight")!

Some ebikers laugh, pedalling their bikes sometimes to lose weight, as they fly past folks still walking. How quaint!

 

[LockH]

GEBA is having a sale to raise funds! Available for sale now, some well worn really huge car/SUV etc tires, still might be used to squash bugs, quite large animals, flatten children, EVen adults!

EDIT: By "children" and "adults" I am of course referring to the human species of animal, some of whom are getting really, really big. May damage paint, etc if care is not taken.

 

[LockH]

The other day, I tried quitting cold turkey. It was easy! My clothes stopped smelling, the air smelled cleaner. Smoking? Cigarettes? I was talking about burning gasoline for my transportation, silly!

 

[LockH]

Any sailor knows it is better to go splash rather than go splat (I routinely ask for sea miles, rather than air miles, where available). Unfortunately, on shore, in traffic, splat is far more common.

 

[LockH]

Geees... I haven't watched TV for decades. Much catching up to do, I guess. An ad on our local TV currently from these folks:
http://www.passagesmalibu.com/

Their moto "Addiction Ends Here". Looks like a nice place. Some old ebiker might ask though, that he used to be an addict (to burning gasoline for personal transportation), but back then my last car was a `77 Chevy Impala, not a Malibu. So, is that OK, if I have a relapse (through a *really* bad head injury or something)?

 

[LockH]

CAUTION. Some doctors warn that a pedal-only bicycle may cause panting and shortness of breath.

 

[LockH]

In the news today:

Crop Circle Was a Publicity Stunt: Why 'Experts' Were Fooled

Watt the news reports do not mention, was that some sneaky ebikers rode `round to create intricate patterns in a grassy field, viewable from the air (Watts left of it.)

 

[LockH]

GEBA and the Speroid Planet (Endless) announce a new dating site, eBiker.com!

Text from our TV commercial, in part:

Independent research has confirmed that our passion for finding that perfect ebiker works!

Ebiker.com ranks first in highest number of marriages (watt may or may not work out)

1st in most satisfied marriages (watt may or may not work out)

1st in most enduring marriages (assuming he or she doesn't find out about those other ebiker guys or grrrls, or that cow with the big eyes)

eBiker.com. Start communicating for free today

 

[LockH]

Note strickly ebike-related, but I do wish some folks would stop confusing me with some Norse god:

After all, I know Loki (like many other Norse gods) was a horney guy, butt any rumours that I might sleep with ebikes are completely slanderous and a lie. Besides, I kicked the grrrl out of bed long ago. (A woman ebike? Well, perhaps not so much of a stretch. After all, sailors call the ships they ride a "she" - and the cabin boy got too large.)