I know. But knowing doesn't change the way I *feel*. Even knowing I will feel differently later doesnt' fix how I feel now....HAROX said:I'm a damned optimist. You could tell me to stuff it and I'd make it look like sausage.
I see a new chance for you to get your dreams fulfilled.
Today- bare studs
Tomorrow- sky through roof trusses.
Soon after, wiring, dry wall, stucco, insulation, shingle, glass, paint, doors, floors.
Soon after that, dogs running here and there, and holistic help for your hurties.
Vision is a shared experience, and your vision is bound to improve.
You are a gold mine of compassion. This is all changing for your future, Amberwolf.
Normally I would be right there with you, and practically happy that the house is getting rebuilt.
But the dogs aren't here to share it with me, and that makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD.
If they were still here, I could deal with this. I could probably handle anything else except that. But that was the cards I got dealt, so it's either play them or fold like Mdd0127 is choosing to do, and that's not something I can do--I know that somewhere, someone (dog or human) still needs me around as much as Hachi, Nana, Loki, and Fred did, even if I haven't met them yet. And other people still need me around that I do know--like all of you, and the other friends that have helped me, even those I didn't even know I had.
Except I hate palm trees, they're useless (to me). And I hate street views. I loved my little jungle for the retreat it gave me and all the green I could stand in or sit behind and pretend to be somewhere else when I needed it (which is fairly often).BTW that's a hella nice palm tree in the front, and an expansive street view.
Now I won't even be able to use the front yard or go in it or look at it and not be traumatized by it, and remember all of this again like it had just happened--which is basically what happened yesterday afternoon, and again this morning seeing the pics above. Eventually when things grow back I might manage it. But that's gonna be a long time--probably years, maybe as many years as I've already been there (13? 14?). I don't know. And worse--it wont' even grow back at all unless I plant new stuff there, so I have to go thru all this again for however many days or weeks it takes to do *that*, however many months from now it is that I can get to the yard to do anything, after the house is fixed.
lbz5mc12 said:Just a couple of thoughts on the generator and AC issue. If you don't want to buy a generator you could try to rent one from Home Depot or Lowes in their tool rental department. You'd just have to make a plan to get all of your welding done in a couple of days. It'd be a lot cheaper than buying one and you wouldn't have to feel bad about returning it.
As to the AC unit, if you can't find it, just do what a lot of people do, buy a new one and return it within the 60-90 day limit that most of them have. I used to work at Home Depot as a cashier supervisor and just like clockwork, the end of summer comes and all the AC units would come back. They just take them back, slap an RTV sticker on them, and they'd be sent back to the manufacturer to be refurbished or scrapped for parts. Sometimes the store would just stick a green tag on them and resell them as used or clearance items. If all else fails, as long as they still function, they donate them to charity.
Those are good thoughts...especially the tool rental thing. I dont' wanna buy/return though, unless there's no other choice, simply because I would prefer to just mount it and forget it, so I can put whatever holes and screws and whatnot in the casing that I need to to hold it up there.
And for me, I would care about none of the other losses if the dogs were still here. I'd probably lament it all and even cry over it, but if they were still here, and knowing what could have happened, losing them instead, I'd just be glad for what I did have. Having them around me, taking care of them and having them take care of me would "fix everything" like it always has in the past.ddk said:amberdude
if you hadn't posted a note in my thread I might have never, ever noticed your loss, as I rarely roam the forum.
I'm so sorry for your loss of your dogs.
stuff is just stuff.
I had a house fire in the mid-80's where I lost every document, drawing, master audio and video tapes (and their copies) photos and their negs.
Absolutely my whole documented life went up in smoke...
but it's just stuff.
I was lucky in that no loss of life was involved, as me, my spouse and our kids were on a 'mini' vacation when the fire occurred.
...eventually I got over it because stuff is stuff.
I can never redo the old creations as they were, but new creations made up for it.
But they're gone, too, so every other little disaster or loss is magnified out of all proportion, and brings back their loss too.
I am beginning to remember the first moments of coming home that day, too, and dream of them. It is panful beyond belief, and must be why I couldn't remember them till now--I could not have dealt with this before, and can barely do so now. I am awake now only on a "fifth wind" having already burned thru my second wind, then my third and fourth, being unable to really sleep at all last night. Everytime I closed my eyes all of the worst moments of the last almost-month parade before me, in no particular order, and keep doing so even after i open them again.
I am moving around like a tired robot. Caffiene is waking me up for my necessary stuff today, taking the scrap for recycling while i have the friends coming to help with it. But then I will have to go home and try to just collapse and sleep, I hope. I feel completely awake, but I keep doing stupid things like putting the teabag in the sink and runnign the water into my cup instead fo the pan to boil it in. Then i put the sugar into the little cup and poured it right back into the sugar container. I almsot poured the finally-boiling water back into teh sugar container too but stopped before doing it. Then I put ice cubes into my cup with the sugar and started to go upstairs but remembered halfway up I had yet to put a teabag in it, or the hot water to let it steep, etc.
Today is going to be very long. I hope something makes it better along the way. I think I will need to stop by somewhere with lots of doggies and trade some hugs. Maybe that will help.